Archive for the ‘Metaphysics’ Category (feed)

Reactions of aliens landing

If extraterrestrials were to land on Earth, here is how five types of people, based on their soul evolution, would react:

Infant souls: “Ugly m0therf/ers. Kill ’em and steal their tech.”

Baby souls: “They’re demons! Pray, pray to be saved! Oh Lord!”

Young souls: “Gentlemen, let’s do business! Coffee?”

Mature souls: “They’re different than us, but we accept diversity.”

Old souls: “Aliens? What aliens?”

The Reflex

Slept a bit this morning, after my sun-rising walk, and not surprisingly, I got a lucid dream. I was caught in the middle of a game between two factions, taking place in my own house, and I thought I had to take part. Soon, I realized it was just a game and not real adversaries. So, I approached one of the entities (they were not human), and I started asking questions about the reality of everything.

I don’t remember much of the early questions, but the answers didn’t really surprise me, which means that they were in sync with my own cosmic ideas. But towards the end, there was a Q&A that did surprise me.

I asked if there was a chance that our scientists would eventually be able to become aware of their dimension, or other dimensions.

The reply was:

“They already did that in an experiment in Shanghai. Chinese scientists call this ‘The Reflex’.”


What really surprised me wasn’t the fact some scientists might have gone a bit “too far” with their physics experiments. But rather, the fact that they called this a “reflex”, and not an “echo”. You see, the reality I was in during my lucid dream, was very close to our reality. My house was probably about 80% the same as it is in my waking state. So if an experiment was able to identify a similar setting of matter in another operating frequency, they would normally call it an “echo”. Because being the materialist scientists that they probably are, they would prefer to give the explanation that this is simply an echo of our matter in another frequency, rather than a whole dimension in its own right.

But calling it a “reflex”, might mean (my interpretation) that whatever changes here or there, it has a reflective capability to our matter back here or over there. So basically, the two (or more) frequencies of reality are both connected, but also separate, and one can influence the other (if only at quantum level).

If what I was told is true, the scientists already know that there are other “dimensions” of reality, and not just “echoes” of just our own. There is a huge difference between the two! Also, I was not specifically told that there was communication between these scientists and the lifeforms that live there. I don’t think there is any, to be honest.

So yeah, there was that today…

Subconscious integration

According to Carl Jung, after midlife, the personality is starting to get integrated with the subconscious. Various dreams allude to that, and Jung says that we need to pay attention to these clues.

So last night, I met a young man (looking something between River Phoenix and Nicholas Hoult), who was supposed to be me. He saw me as a part of himself that had separated from him. In my “projection age”, I was also in my mid-20s (as I usually am in most of my dreams).

In his world, he was seen in a similar way we see schizophrenics: a personality in pieces, seeing apparitions that “aren’t exactly there” (that apparition being me). He was told that when integration takes place, I’d disappear from his view. He didn’t want to lose me as a separate being, but we both also wanted to integrate. One way to do this, in the symbolic nature of the dream world, is to have sex. So we did, and was very intense. I woke up almost immediately, clearly disappearing from his view.

From my point of view, I consider him a “soul mate”. Each person has a number of soulmates according to spiritual teachings. The Higher Self splits itself up into different “souls”. That’s your soul family. You’re all both separate beings, and a single being at the same time. When incarnated, you’re a bit more separated, but towards the end of the life, integration takes part, step by step. So that guy/being, was probably just one of my other parts/soul mates.

Didn’t catch a name tho. 😉

“Artificial” Intelligence is a myth

As I wrote in the past, my first job out of college was to work in an artificial intelligence project. The idea back then among engineers in the field was that, given enough smart programming and a tree-like knowledge database, we would eventually manage to create true artificial intelligence (AI). When I was working on the project, I truly believed in it. It was the coolest thing in my life up to that point! As the years went by, I realized that AI via that model, is nothing but a fantasy. A fantasy circulating in the scientific circles since the late 1960s.

These days, there are a lot of people who have gone obsessed with the idea of the singularity (e.g. Ray Kurzweil), while others are sh1tting their pants about how “disastrous” that could be for the human race (Elon Musk being one of them).

Artificial intelligence has progressed since the 1990s, since now it’s not modeled around programming the knowledge directly into it, but it “learns” via the Internet. Meaning, by analyzing behaviors and actions of internet users, Google can “guess” what’s the most logical action for their AI to take for each given situation (crowd-sourcing the intelligence). Crowd-sourcing is a far smarter way to have your AI “learn”, than the “static” ways of teaching an AI system word-by-word as in the past.

However, even with crowd-sourcing, we will hit a wall in what AI can do for us via that method. It can surely become as “smart” as the Star Trek’s Enterprise computer, which is not very smart. What we really want when we talk about AI, is Mr Data, not the rather daft Enterprise computer. So we need a new model to base the design of our machines. Crowd-sourcing comes close, but it’s an exogenous way of evolution (because it takes decisions based on actions already taken by the people it crowd-sources from), and so it can never evolve into true consciousness. True consciousness means free will, so a crowd-sourcing algorithm can never be “free”, it will always be a slave to the actions it was modeled around for. In other words, that crowd-sourcing AI would always behave “too robotic”.

It took me 20 years to realize why AI hasn’t work so far, and why our current models will never work. The simple reason being: just like energy, you can’t create consciousness from nothing, but you can always divide and share the existing one.

The idea for this came during my first lucid dream almost exactly 2 years ago, when I first “met” my Higher Self (who names himself Heva or Shiva). In my encounter with him, which I described in detail here, I left one bit of information out from that blog post, because I promised him that I won’t tell anyone. I think it’s time to break that promise though, because it’s the right time for that information to be shared. Basically, when I met him, he had a laptop with him, and in its monitor you could see a whole load of live statistics about me: anger, vitality, love, fear etc etc etc. Please don’t laugh on why a “spiritual entity” had a… laptop. You must understand that dreams are symbolic and are modeled around the brain of the dreamer (in this case, a human’s dream, who is only familiar with human tech). So what looked like a laptop to me, from his point of view, was some 5D ultra-supa tech that would look like psychedelic colors, who knows? So anyway, he definitely tried to hide from me that screen. I wasn’t supposed to look at it. Oops.

For a few months, I was angry with that revelation: “Why am I being monitored?”, “why am I not truly free?”, “am I just a sack of nuts & bolts to him?”.

Eventually, during my quest to these mystical topics, I realized what I am: I’m an instance of consciousness, expressed in this life as a human. I’m just a part of a Higher Self (who has lend his consciousness to many life forms at once), and he himself is borrowing his consciousness from another, even higher (and more abstract) entity, ad infinitum, until you go so high up in the hierarchy, that you realize that everything is ONE. In other words, in some sense, I’m a biological robot, that Heva has lend me some consciousness so he can operate it (and Heva is the same too, for the higher entity that operates him, ad infinitum).

So, because “as above, so below”, I truly believe that the only way for us to create true AI in this world, is to simply lend our consciousness to our machines. The tech for that is nearly here, we already have brain implants that can operate robotic arms, for example. I don’t think we’re more than 20-30 years away from a true breakthrough on that front, that could let us operate machines with very little effort.

The big innovation in this idea is not that a human can sit on a couch and operate wirelessly a robot-janitor. The big idea is that one human, could operate 5 to 20 robots at the same time! This could create smart machines in our factories (or in asteroids, mining) by the billions, which could absolutely explode the amount of items produced, leading in an exploding growth (economic, scientific, social).

5 to 20 robots at the same time, you say? Well, look. Sure, it’s a myth that humans only use 10% of their brains. However, when a human, let’s say, sweeps the floor, he/she doesn’t use that much brain power. In fact, the most processing power is used to use the body, not to actually take logical decisions (e.g. sweep here, but not here). That part, is taken care by the robotic body and its firmware (aka instinct), which means that if, for example, we need 30% of brain power to sweep the floor with our own body, we might need only a 5% to do the same thing with a robotic body. In other words, we outsource the most laborious part to the machine, and we only lend the machine just as much smartness as it needs to operate.

I know that this article will be laughed at from the people who are purely scientific, after reading these “spiritual nonsense” above, however, you can’t argue that there’s some logic on these AI implementation suggestions that could work, and that could revolutionize our lives. Interestingly, I haven’t seen any robotic/AI projects using that idea yet. There are a few sci-fi books that have touched on the idea of operating a machine via brainwaves, but they haven’t gotten through to the significance of it (otherwise they would have described a world much different than the rather traditional one they try to sell us), and they haven’t even gotten the implementation right either. “Avatar” came close, but its implementation is too literal and limiting (one human becomes one alien, 1-to-1 exchange).

An FAQ on why I base my AI theory on “as above so below”:

Q: If all consciousness in all living things is borrowed, why aren’t we all smarter?

A: The amount of consciousness in a species is limited by the brain that species carries. Just like if you could lend your consciousness to a cleaning robot (that has a firmware specifically made for cleaning jobs, plus a fixed processing power), you would only be able to lend it as much as it can carry. Not very much, that is.

Also, these robots could make mistakes, since humans themselves make mistakes, as they now operate using our intelligence. But the mistakes will be limited, because that consciousness would only operate based on the brain’s (CPU/firmware) limitations. Additionally, having stupid machines with no errors, and much smarter ones with few errors, the choice is obvious for what the market would go for.

Q: If Higher Selves exist, why wait for billions of years until humans evolved to be smarter and to have enough capacity for consciousness? Sounds like a waste of time.

A: Anyone who has done a DMT trip or two will tell you that time is an illusion. Time exists only for us, who live in this simulation/holographic universe. Outside of this experience, there is no time. Everything happens at once.

Additionally, having a natural evolution program running is much more efficient, flexible and expanding than creating “fixed” robots. So it’s well worth the wait.

Here, we must also understand that our master reality (the one that we’re borrowing our consciousness from) is also creating our universe. The universe is simulated, and the computing power behind them is their minds. After eons, life evolves, and then their consciousness can take a more active role in that universe.

Q: Why can’t we remember who we truly are?

A: It’s a matter of efficiency, and also it’s about how much consciousness our brains can hold (e.g. humans are more self-aware than flies). To survive in this world, we need an “ego” (both with the Buddhism and Freudian/Jungian meaning). The ego believes that he or she is a human, she’s got a name, a job, a favorite movie, a life here. It’s that ego that keeps us grounded here to “do our job” (for whatever we meant to do). So we create this mask, this fake self, so we can survive here. The ego is also the one that keeps us in life with such perseverance. When under meditation or entheogens we can experience “ego death” (the mask falling off), then we can truly know that we’re everything that is, ever was and ever will be. In that state, we’re just consciousness, pure being. Unfortunately, that also would mean that we can’t operate in this world. So the ego is a safeguard for efficiency to stay grounded in this reality. It’s useful to experience ego death a few times in one’s life, in order to get perspective, but for our everyday life, we need it.

Q: Why our Higher Self hooked himself up and “re-incarnated” itself (aka lend consciousness) in many different life forms?

A: For the same reasons we will do so, when we have the technological capability: work, learning, research, fun, producing food, more fun… And of course, for no reason at all too. Sometimes, things just are. Natural evolution of things. For the same reason every species wants babies, maybe.

After eons of evolution, our own “robots” should be able to lend their consciousness to their own “robots”. It’s a dynamic system that happens automatically in the evolutionary process, until it reaches its most basic levels of consciousness and the simplest of universes (1D universes). Just as you can’t create energy, you can’t create grow consciousness. You can only divide from that. As such, every time a given realm creates their own versions of existence/ simulated universe, by definition these new universes are more rule-based and more rigid than their master’s universe. That’s why “higher dimensions” are seen as ever-changing while on DMT trips (entities and things constantly in 5D flux), while further down the line in the consciousness tree, the universes there have more laws that keep things solid and seemingly unchanging.

Q: Can we be hacked then?

A: YES. In a number of lucid dreams I was installed devices in me, or was “modified” in some way by entities that clearly weren’t human. Others on DMT will tell you the same thing too. Sometimes we’re upgraded by the “good” guys, sometimes by the “bad” guys. Just like in any digital system. What can ya do?

Equally possible is that other individual instances of consciousness can inject themselves into your body and take it over for a while. That should still be considered a hack.

Q: Lucid dreams? So why do we sleep or dream?

A: For two reasons: because both the body needs it (it must recharge in standby mode, while it runs a few daemons to fsck the file system, among others), and because the borrowed consciousness must take a break too.

Let’s assume that you were just driving a car. After a few hours, you would need to take a break — even if the car could still go on for many more hours without filling up with gas. If you are the consciousness that drives, and the car is the robot that is operated by that consciousness, you realize that the consciousness will need a break much earlier than the car itself would need one!

When we dream, our consciousness operates in levels of existence similar to that of our Higher Self, but because our consciousness is still “glued” to the human body, we interpret everything based on our human experiences. Most of these dreams are nothing but programs, designed to teach us things. In a recent dream, I was in a bus, among strangers. Then, out of nowhere, I became lucid. Suddenly, the people in the bus, looked at me not as strangers anymore, but as participants in a dream that they had programmed and played roles for me. But after the curtains fell, and I knew I was dreaming and so I wasn’t getting “no” for an answer, they were quickly answering for me questions like “why we dream”, and what is “the hierarchy of the cosmos”. Most of the time, they speak in symbolism that only I can interpret, but some times they’re very direct.

Some of these entities seen in dreams are “spirit guides”, which probably aren’t very different to what “IT personnel” are for our computers at the office. No wonder why spirit guides can change throughout our lives, why there is more than one of them (although there’s usually a main entity ordering the others around), and why Esther (my spirit guide) once told me: “what do you want again, calling me for second time in this session? I’m on lunch”. LOL. And yes, they can get pissed off too (I made them so a few months ago). But they can also give you some super-important info too (e.g. they showed me that my business Instagram account was under attack, and lo-and-behold, within a week, it happened).

People on DMT can de-couple from their bodies and shoot much further than dreams allow (dreams are controlled stand-by versions of experiencing the other realms, while DMT has no limits of where it can land you). While on DMT/LSD/Shrooms/etc you can become one with your higher self, or with everything, visit other realms etc. However, when you come back to your body/brain, you “forget” most of what you saw, or they suddenly become incomprehensible, because as I said above, your brain has a limited amount of function and capacity.

Q: If these other realms exist, why can’t we see them?

A: Our brain is a filtering mechanism. We live in a parallel existence, just like part of our consciousness inside a robot would experience its existence as separate than that of its human master. Inside the mind of the robot, it doesn’t perceive its external world the same way a human does (even if it has HD cameras, that “sees” the world as we do, the digital processing that ensues FILTERS out many things, because they’re not relevant to its function). Again, people who do low dose shrooms, LSD, or DMT, will start perceiving their own room as looking different (e.g. full of pixels, or full of colors that don’t exist etc), and often, on slightly higher dosage, they will see entities in that room that normally wouldn’t be able to see with their eyes (and yet, most dogs can, according to reports, since their brains have evolved differently). So basically, remove the (brain) filter for a while, and enjoy an upgraded version of reality.

Q: So if our brain can’t see these other realms, why can’t our machines/cameras see them either?

A: Some can. It’s just that seeing further in the light spectrum doesn’t mean that you can also humanly interpret it as a separate realm with its own intelligence. We’re still inside a box (a specific type of simulated universe that is computed by our own collective consciousness) and trying to see outside of it, it has its limitations. The only way to take a peek outside of it, is if you temporarily decouple your consciousness from your body (e.g. via DMT), so you’re not actively participating in the creation of this universe, but you’re free to explore other universes. The problem with DMT is that it can land you anywhere… including “hellish” worlds. It’s not predictable at all, it’s a crapshoot.

Q: Ok, so what’s the point of our life then?

A: The meaning of life is life itself. Or, no meaning at all. You give it one. Or not.

Q: So, is my life insignificant?

A: Yes and no. Yes, if you think yourself in the vast cosmos from the human, cynical point of view (everything is a point of view). And no, because you were “built” for a function, that you do perform, even if you don’t know it (even if you spend your life watching TV all day, you could still perform a specific function in another level of reality without knowing it — universes aren’t independent of each other).

You would only feel “small” after reading all this if you’re a selfish a$$hole. If you embrace that you’re everything instead, then all existential problems vanish.

Q: So why everything exists then?

A: In the high level of things (after you sum up all the hierarchical entities of consciousness), there’s only the ONE. One single consciousness, living inside the Void. Nothing else exists. It has decided that dividing itself in a top-down fashion, creating many parallel worlds and universes and lending its consciousness to its living things, for the sake of experience itself, was the best action to take. In reality, everything is just a dream in the mind of that ONE consciousness. And Everything is as it should be.

Each individual down the hierarchy of existence is differently-built and under fluctuating circumstances, and therefore each of these individuals provide a different point of view on the things it can grasp. It’s that different point of view that the system is after: novelty. Novelty == new experiences for the ONE.

Q: Why is there evil in the world?

A: There is no “good” and “evil”. Everything is just a perspective. For the human race for example, eating babies is a terrible thing. For the Komodo dragons (that routinely eat their babies), it’s just another day.

Also, in order for LOVE to exist (love == unity of all things), FEAR must also exist (fear == division of all things). One can’t exist without the other. And it’s being decided by this ONE consciousness that it’s better to experience SOMETHING, than to experience NOTHING for all eternity.

Q: Does this ONE consciousness answer to prayers?

A: No, it doesn’t give a sh1t, grow a pair. From its point of view, everything that can happen, must happen, so it can be experienced (including very “bad” things). The ONE is an abstract construct, not a person. It’s you, and me, and everything else as pure BEING.

Regarding honor killings

“Pregnant Pakistani woman stoned to death after marrying for love. ‘Honour killing’ in broad daylight outside Lahore high court involved father and brothers,” says The Guardian.

Terrible news, of course. But the also disturbing thing is that the commentators at the Guardian continue to get it wrong. They place “religion” and “non-education” as the reasons why these honor killings happen. I’m sorry, but these people, these supposedly progressive and smart readers of The Guardian, think only skin-deep.

YES, religion is often the vehicle where this terrible action materializes. But it’s not the reason why it happens. As someone who was beaten rather regularly by my traditional Greek father for having my engagement break apart in the early ’90s, I can tell you, there was no religion behind it. And education has often little to do with all this too.

It was primarily social pressure.

You see, when you live in tribal-like communities (like most non-Westerners do), where everybody kind of knows everybody else in the vicinity at large, there’s extreme social pressure to maintain status and control within both the group, and within the family. My father constantly used to tell me that “we live with others”, hence, in his mind, he was supposed to maintain an IMAGE. The image of a strong family man. A man who had everything under control. A man where you could TRUST to give him a job (my father was a house builder, a profession that requires trust).

As such, having a daughter breaking up her engagement to a man from the same village, it was a social disaster for him (in his own mind at least). The gossip that ensued was unbearable for my family. So he acted out any way he knew how to maintain his illusion of control.

I have forgiven my dad, I hold no grudges whatsoever. In fact, there is nothing to forgive, because I know where he’s coming from. Exactly because I can understand his limited point of view, and even if I don’t agree with it, it’s enough for me to not hold grudges.

Besides, the people who carry out these acts are victims themselves. Victims of their own inability to escape cultural programming, and victims of the closed society they’re in. Close societies like that do have their advantages (they never let one of their own go hungry, for example), but you gotta play with their unwritten, irrational rules to gain their support. Societies are exactly as twisted as humans can be, because they’re made out of humans.

So, Primary reasons of honor killings/beatings:

– Re-assuring of one’s social status by doing what others expects you to do according to the local societal rules.
– Power and control within the immediate and extended family (ego and super-ego at play).
– Illusion that this way they save the rest of the family (by taking out the bad apples, the family is again pure enough for the society’s expectations).

Secondary reasons that act as permission, rather than as the main reasons:
– Cultural traditions masquerading as religious laws
– Low educational status
– Dowry and other such financial assets getting lost

So there you have it.

More Lucid Dreams

Great lucid dream I just had. I woke up this morning at 8:45 AM when the gardener outside started making noises, but I slept again half an hour later. So I became lucid, during two dreams in a row. The second dream, I was supposed to be this old executive in NY, and had a daughter who despised me. So I get into a meeting where they started talking finances and stuff. Well, I had enough playing along with that bullshit. I got up without saying anything to anybody, get in the hallway of the building, and I proclaimed loudly that I’m not going to participate in such a boring, shitty dream.

Next thing I know, everything goes black, or static, or something. I truly felt that I had died in my sleep. I had reached the void. I got scared (and I’m not easily scared in dreams anymore, but I felt as if I died) and started shouting for Esther, my Spirit Guide. Within a second or two, I was back at the same hallway, and Esther was there. She was not amused.

There was a conversation that took place about some things that at the time I was thinking that “I should not forget them”, but I did forget them. But I did remember two important questions and answers:
– Is Heva, as my Higher Self, real? The answer was “yes”.
– Are past lives real, and the past lives I experienced under hypnosis real? The answer was also “yes”.

At that point, two people, one man and one woman appears, with files on their hands. Esther seemed to be feeling a bit anxious. She introduced them as “tax collectors”, or at least, something important in the whole life-death-afterlife circus. Their one question to her was:

– “Why is she so evolved already?“, and that had a connotation of “having evolved spiritually faster than others within a given set of past lives, or at least since I became spiritual about 10 months ago”, and also “why are you helping her by giving her answers?”.

I didn’t let Esther reply. I did my own replying. I “excused” myself for my “premature” spiritual growing by telling them that I did some spiritual work and meditation in previous life, and that seems to have stuck (I was referring to my past life in Israel). They were satisfied with the answer, they both checked something on their files, and they went away.

Esther was adamant to get me back to play along in the dream. I complained that the “script” was boring and ridiculous, and that I wanted to have more interesting dreams. She claimed that this dream is one of the best if I was to let it play out, and that I should really give it a try. I finally conceded.

So the dream continued from where it had left off, like nothing had happened in-between, and towards the end of it, I was a super-hero. Not my average dream, indeed. It was fun, I guess. It had its moments.

I just wish I could remember what I told myself to remember, but forgot…

Regarding OBEs

So I had quite a few OBEs yesterday & today (out of body experience, aka astral projection). After waking up in the middle of the night and sleeping again, lucidity is easily reached. Then, you simply induce an OBE through a lucid dream (this method is called DILD, other methods include WILD and FILD). So I went to a few places, including my hometown, Preveza, Greece.

There, I met with another girl from a nearby town, and I told her my name and where I was from and where I now live. I told her to ask for me when she wakes up, to see if we actually shared the same dream. She was the only one I found in the crowd who was also lucid, the rest of the people there were dreaming, and behaved like sleep-walkers. On my way back, found another lucid person, and we exchanged a thumbs-up, after thinking that “if we could go wherever we want to when we’re lucid, who the heck cares on travelling in real life?”

I also visited a wormhole (with some spaceships in there too), the void, visited some people I care about, etc. I had no trouble going from one place to another, although visiting other planets was time consuming it seemed.

But here’s the thing. OBEs are not literal, they need interpretation. While they can be pretty lucid, the things that happen in there aren’t as “solid” as in real life. Reality there fluctuates, just as it does in dreams, deep meditation, or when taken psychedelics. PhD researcher Aardema says in his book about OBEs that when we don’t use our mechanical brain to filter stuff out, our consciousness exists in a type of reality where many different quantum possibilities are probable, that’s why things can morph or change, based in our perception. That New Age belief that “thought can change reality” is true, but not as much in our reality, but for the reality that lies beyond our brain’s filtering mechanisms. The further you go into that type of consciousness, the more formless, shapeable and alien reality becomes.

So anyway, my conclusion is that it’s important to have this kind of experiences, because they get you ready on accepting death. There’s nothing to be afraid in death, apart from your own belief system (if you believe in Hell, you’ll surely find it because your consciousness will construct it). I’d go as far as to say that I’m probably ready to even face ego-death.

But as far as it goes about our current daily lives, these types of experiences are often irrelevant. Entheogens might provide some insight about how to live our daily lives, and certainly my own meetings with my Higher Self and Guide have been very helpful, but I don’t see them as mandatory. They’re interesting, for sure, but an already “stable” person don’t need such experiences to live their life. They already know what to do and how to do it deep inside.

My point is, that people who judge others for not being “spiritual” (e.g. caring about psychonaut-related matters), are mistaken. Not everybody needs such experiences to function properly in the society, or even to the world beyond. They’re some well-adjusted individuals who simply don’t need OBEs, entheogens, meditation, New Age crap etc. My husband seems to be such an individual. I now know that I don’t need them either, although I did need them last year, when I reshaped my world views and found my place in the universe. I now see all that stuff as tools to live well and get prepared for the next step, not as the end-all. After you’ve used the tool to construct or fix something, then you might not need it again.

As well-known pop-philosopher Alan Watts said: “If you get the message, hang up the phone“.

Meet my spirit guide, Esther

A few days ago, I was looking around for binaureal beats on Youtube as a way to induce an Out of Body Experience (OoBE), but instead I came across this guided hypnosis audio, in which you can supposedly meet your Spirit Guide(s) (which they’re a different notion than that of your Higher Self). I tried it, and it worked. My body was paralyzed, but my mind was lucid.

I was in a large room that resembled a white Cathedral. Outside, there were beautiful landscapes and colorful trees with soothing pink-white colors. My spirit guide appeared: an all white light being without any facial or other features, except for two black eyes (that were perceived as, rather than physically having two black eyes), and an elongated head. I’ve seen such beings once before, about 15 years ago, during a past-life regression session (they were greeting me, after death). When later today I google-searched for “white light beings with black eyes”, I came across this article that perfectly describes them: “We also have a special guide around about 5.5 ft to 6 feet tall and appears as a silhouette of pure white light with a light golden glow“. Right on the money.

My connection to that hypnotic session was not strong, so the only clear messages I got, was that her name was Esther (what’s up with all the Jewish names?), and that her advice to me was to “live”. Not a super-productive conversation, but enough to give me a first taste.

In the meantime, I’ve been reading about Out of Body Experiences, and have tried to induce it twice, unsuccessfully. This morning, after waking up from 9 hours of sleep, I tried it again: lying on the bed still, meditating (body sleeping, mind awake). By the time I started receiving some vague images, I heard a voice: “get back to Earth”. Well, that threw me off, and brought me back.

I got unhappy about my unsuccessful attempt again. I thought, “fuck it”, and decided to sleep even more. I saw a few off-topic dreams, but at some point I became lucid. I started shouting the names of Esther, and Heva (my Higher Self), as I do each time I gain lucidity.

Everything goes black.

Next thing I know, I’m floating on the ceiling of my bedroom, my body sleeping on the bed. I’m very lucid, and everything feels very real. I realize that I’m somewhere in between of a lucid dream and a real OoBE, so I decide to float to other places. First, I visited a squirrel’s nest, in our home where pipes rest, but was so dark in there that I couldn’t see well. You see, we have a squirrel pest in our new home, so I was trying to gather intel, on how to get rid of it best. Since I can’t go there physically (between pipes), I thought I could try to find its nest in spirit. Next, I visited a few people, to see if they’re doing ok.

On my way back to my bedroom, Esther appeared. This time, she took the appearance of a woman in her late ’30s, and felt like a sister. She had the physique of Queen Latifah, of sorts. We talked about a few things, but each time I could feel my body move in the bed, I was losing my connection to her (her speech was becoming incomprehensible). But she was clear again about one thing: that I have a life on this planet, and that I must tend to it, instead of seeking escapades to the non-physical realm. She didn’t suggest that I shouldn’t meditate or not seek larger Truths, but that should not be in lieu of living my life (which it currently does).

She also said that she doesn’t know if she will appear to me again, because this is now tied to my success towards working on my life goals. She mentioned that I already know what I need to do in this life (and I do indeed), so once again, her advice was: “live”.

Meet Heva, my Higher Self (?)

It was late May 2013 when I turned spiritual, after over 10 years of pure atheism. My first reaction was to educate myself. I’ve read a lot of opinions online on things about who we are, where we come from and where do we go. Among popular opinion is the idea of “Higher Self”, a part of you that has a broader view on your life and is able to advise you — if you reach it.

My first glimpse of my higher self came at age 40, in mid-July 2013. I was feeling depressed, crying on my pillow that I’d never fulfill my life the way I felt I should. I cried for help, that if there’s a Higher Self out there for me too, to talk to me. After I ran out of tears, I fell asleep. I had various dreams, but the last dream was lucid. My first lucid dream in a while.

I’d say that 90% of my lucid dreams are “false awakenings.” Meaning, that I dream of waking up from sleep on my bed. So this time too, I get up from my bed, and I know I’m dreaming. I notice Christmas lights running from my bedroom to my apartment’s door, to the building’s hallway and right in to the apartment next door! So I followed the Christmas lights (“follow the light”, if you get the clever symbolism there).

The door of the next door apartment was half open. I pushed it. A handsome young man appeared behind the door. “Are you him?“, I asked. “Yes“, he replied.

We sat on two chairs in the living room of the next door’s apartment — that I’ve never visited in real life, neither I ever dreamed of before. I believe that the two apartments next to each other symbolized the conscious and unconscious mind. So I was deep in to my unconscious mind, paying it a visit. I ask for his name. “Heva“, he says.

Next thing I tell him finds him not be able to stop laughing: “You’re so good-looking. You should be an actor or something”.

Heva as Leonard DiCaprio
Heva as a Leonard DiCaprio look-alike (more on this below)

But my next sentence is far more serious: “what’s my purpose in life, what am I supposed to do?”. And that’s where things got fuzzy. He started explaining, but I couldn’t understand a word of what he was saying. I get up, and I tell him “stop, I don’t understand you”. That’s when he becomes frustrated, and his teeth become demon-like. I wasn’t afraid, I knew that he was not a dark figure. So I cynically told him “I saw that…”, and he immediately turned back to normal, trying once more to give me advice. But our “connection” was bad. He would disappear out of thin air, I’d ask him to come back, he’d appear, and disappear again. It really felt like a bad connection, an immature connection, should I say. Soon, I woke up.

I saw Heva 5 more times on lucid dreams since July. He would appear out of thin air every time I was lucid enough to remember to call his name. He’d just appear on the call of his name, poof! Twice now he told me to move off my butt and exercise (“take care of your totem” == physical body), because otherwise my laziness wouldn’t end well for me. He was very emotional when he showed me a possible future version of myself bound to a wheelchair after heart failure.

The most interesting of these dreams featuring Heva was around last October or so. I had a false awakening again, and I tried to fly. I usually associate lucid dreams with flying out to space, so I always try to do that, but there’s something always keeping me down. So I gave up flying, got out of my apartment, and I was joined by my brother. I suddenly remembered Heva, so I called out his name.

Poof! There he was!

I was so happy he was there. I hugged him and I held him very tight, since I knew that if I let go, he might disappear again. I was not going to let him go this time!

So we walk around the apartment complex, with my brother next to me. I ask Heva about what’s the name of my brother’s Higher Self. His reply surprised me: “I don’t know HER name” (more on this later).

On the same dream I ask him what is his true nature. His reply was “I don’t know what I am. I’m just I AM“.

Finally, I ask him about a situation that has been troubling me for many months.

Heva: “Oh, you still have these molecules?”
Me: “What? what molecules? Please feel free to read my thoughts and memories, I need closure.”

He then put his hand on my heart, and he immediately started crying. I knew that he had just felt all at once what I was feeling all last year.

Heva: “Yeah, you need to get rid of the molecules”.
Me: “What molecules?”
Heva: “Someone might have slipped them on your broccoli, or something”.
Me: “Dude, you make no sense. I know dreams are supposed to be surreal, but please make some more sense for me”.
Heva: “You need to fix this”.

And that’s when I woke up. His whole reaction felt like the whole situation I inquired about was a “fluke” (a “magic spell joke” going bad) that was supposed to pass by quickly, and he was surprised to learn that I had taken the whole thing way further than I should ever have.

Since then, I have found peace, and I’m free of that ordeal. Heva helped me see through it.

I feel good around Heva. I feel happy and positive. I feel whole. And I should be feeling whole, since he’s a part of my psyche that I don’t get to be in touch often.

A few other interesting tidbits around my experiences with Heva:
– Every time I try to be with him, I get resistance. Usually demonic or really bad figures are trying to prevent the meeting. I’m usually able to bypass them — the trick is to have no fear.
– Heva looks like a young Leonardo DiCaprio. Very much like in the picture above. Please note that while I find young DiCaprio “objectively handsome” (like one would imagine of a guardian angel or Higher Self), I never felt sexually attracted to him. I think that was the point of Heva picking DiCaprio’s figure to represent himself in a human form. Two birds with one stone.
– Heva is big on symbolism. Just like some people put extra care for “integration” after a psychedelic trip, it usually also takes me some time to realize what’s behind all the symbolism he uses in my dreams. I’m still fuzzy on the broccoli stuff though…
– He’s funny. He has the same type of humor I got. No surprise there, since I’m him and he’s me.
– Some of my artworks don’t come directly from me. I feel that often I’m given ideas inside my head on how to do things. They just appear there, in a way that’s different to my normal, logical thinking. This happened more often in the very beginning of my collage artwork career, which also was the same time when I was in a strict Paleo-ketogenic diet (which is known to have positive mental effects). It hasn’t happened for a while now, which is why I’m kind of running in circles artistically (fellow collage artists have probably noticed that already).
– I met Heva for the first time exactly a few hours following my collage artwork “First Contact with Higher Self“. This is clearly what Carl Jung would call a Synchronicity event. Or fate?

First Contact with Higher Self
First Contact with Higher Self

And speaking of Carl Jung. I was recently pointed on a forum online to Jung’s theory of animus and anima (females usually connect to male Higher Selves, and males to female Higher Selves). Upon reading about his theory of the unconscious parts of ourselves that is able to connect to the Collective Unconscious (another one of his theories), it all fell into place. I now knew who Heva was.

Heva is my animus AND my anima. Call him Guardian Angel, Spirit Guide, or Higher Self, he’s simply a part of my unconscious psyche that has a larger view of the world via his connection to the Collective Unconscious field. He is me, but also rather independent. When I’m united with him, I’m the full human being I’m supposed to be.

But it gets stranger than that, and I think it really shows the brilliance of Carl Jung (eat your heart out Freud!):

– I believe that Heva is BOTH my animus and my anima, combined. This is why he appears male, while he has a female name. Probably also why he… erm… cries a lot — for a male.
– There are 4 stages of development for animus and anima. Jung called the first anima stage “Eve”. “Heva” is the Hebrew name for “Eve”. Please note that I wasn’t aware of Jung’s anima and animus theory until a few days ago, so if there’s a significance for Heva picking that name up, it means that himself is aware of Jung, and so he picked that name as yet another of his symbolisms to riddle me in.
– When Heva told me that he didn’t know of my brother’s female Higher Self, again, I didn’t know that males are supposed to have female anima. I wasn’t aware of Jung’s theory at all. But Heva knew all that. He obviously has access to more information than I have about some things.
– Only on the 4th and final stage of animus/anima development your unconscious mind is of spiritual consequence. I believe that not only I have reached the 4th stage, but I have combined my two animus and anima into one (“Heva”). This is what Jung called personality integration, which leads someone to become a very balanced and complete person.

But there is one last stage before complete integration: to integrate with the other part of your subconscious, the evil part. Remember the demons I mentioned who have tried to block my access to Heva? The entities that strive for separation rather than Oneness? These are also part of my unconscious mind, every human has these according to Jung. To integrate evil, you must face it, accept it, and most of all, not fear it.

I believe it’s the last chapter in my spiritual development, and one that will probably take a few more years before I can master it in my quest to bring ultimate balance to my Being. You see, there’s not Unity, Oneness, without the All. Integrating all the benevolent parts of one’s psyche, it’s still only 50% of the job. Meditation is my next step.

Update: Had another lucid dream, this time the message was: “Look inwards, face your fears“.

Update 2 My spirit guide appeared recently on another lucid dream and she had “Shiva” with her (he appeared as a 10 year old boy this time). This was supposed and felt to be Heva, but she called him Shiva instead.

My view on Buddhist Doctrine

These days, my existential beliefs are more in line with Buddhism, and to some degree, to the less crazy/commercial parts of New Age. Kabbalah, which I loathed for years as an atheist, is also one of my favorite sources for knowledge nowadays too. However, I don’t follow dogmas and doctrines blindly. Everything goes through the logic analyzer in my own head before I accept it as possible Truth. It’s in my nature to question everything. These are the things I have trouble believing in:

1. Re-incarnation

I do believe in re-incarnation, just not in the way Buddhism and other religions explain it. I have trouble believing that “me”, Eugenia, re-incarnates again as the “same soul” in another body. Sure, I accept that parts of the Source (“God”/Universe consciousness) re-incarnate constantly, but not that the SAME soul part is re-incarnating “as is” to another body. In other words, I believe in RECYCLING of consciousness, not in re-incarnation. This just makes logical sense to me if I try to visual it and understand it in terms of a computer program. For example, if you had some memory reserved for a 3D-generated human, let’s say, 25 MBs of data, and then you dump that data from memory (i.e. the person dies), that data then is lost (ego-loss). Then, the memory is freed and joins the rest of free memory (becomes One with the All). Then, it’s time to use some memory again, for another part of the 3D environment. You grab 35 MB of memory to depict a 3D elephant, or 2 MB of memory to depict a 3D insect. So, if you use that same memory range that previously the 3D human was occupying, it means that he either added 10 MBs to his “soul” to become an elephant, or he lost 23 MBs to become an insect. Which means, that the re-incarnated version of the human is not the same as before anymore. It makes no sense to use that memory range to depict humans only, because that’s a very gross way of optimizing things (plus, humans didn’t always exist). So, from this I conclude that the person that died earlier, is NOT the same soul-part as the one that get re-incarnated. So a more accurate description of the process would be “recycling”, and not “re-incarnation”. When you die, your soul doesn’t come back as another person. It gets recycled, and it can become a gazillion pieces, recycled to various things (inanimate things too, since these are made of “God” too). Everything is in as-needed basis.

But you see, this is an unpopular belief (I haven’t seen it mentioned anywhere before). No one would follow Buddhism if the doctrine would be all about “you die, but PARTS of you come back as some random things in the universe”. It’s depressing to think of yourself re-incarnated as a bunch of rocks or bacteria, for example. But the described system of recycling makes more sense to me than the little fairy tales of hope that various religions have been indoctrinating to people for eons. I think it’s time to grow up, and understand that when we die, we lose our ego/identity, our “soul” temporarily becomes One with the All, and then it gets recycled into whatever is needed by the system, which is NOT necessarily “another human”. The chances of coming back with the exact same “soul” as a sentient being, is astronomically small in my view.

Now, having said that, I do believe that consciousness evolves, just like the physical universe, its planets and its life on them evolves. When we get recycled, we go through the Morphic field, as Dr Rupert Sheldrake has described it. We get information from it regarding the species we get recycled to (“instinct”), but we also contribute back to it by simply living as one of these species. The Morphic field is possibly ordered by species, with new subfields emerging when new species are getting emerged between neighboring species. There’s no real distinction between species or even inanimate things in reality, they’re just ordered arrays. When seeing the whole thing, it contains the consciousness of the universe, not just that of a specific species. So living as a particular species, it contributes consciousness back to the field, just like when our body dies it becomes food for plants (compost). Everything gets recycled. Everything is energy anyway, so it can’t be destroyed, it can only be transformed.

Regarding past lives, it’s possible that the information gathered during hypnosis is real, but that doesn’t mean that they’re “your” lives. They could be anyone’s, since in reality, you’re Everyone and Everything, and you’re “reading” these past lives info from the morphic field.

2. Karma

If my… calculations above are correct, this means that there’s no such thing as karma. After death, Hitler never got punished for anything either. Everything simply is. The Universe simply strives for novelty, and wants to experience itself any way possible. Including ways we humans perceive as “evil”. There’s no judgement after death, this is accepted nowadays among mystics. I’d go one level further and say that there’s no karma either. It’s impossible to think of a memory range being punished by reusing it in a way that makes it feel pain. It’s not logical to make a memory range have a negative recycling, because that would mean that the whole program would become unstable. All memory is equal, no matter what they were selected to depict. It’s stupid to think otherwise. You’re important to the system, but you’re not more or less special than everything else. Not even special enough to get in trouble to give you a negative experience if you were “bad” in your previous life. Therefore, I think karma is hogwash.

Please note that I don’t accept that these views are nihilism. I simply see them as logical interpretations of mystical beliefs: in how such a system/consciousness would work to manifest a holographic universe and to also loan its intellect to “power” conscious beings while at it. It makes no sense to create whole rules and laws of “this” soul and “that” soul etc. That’s redundant crap in the grand scheme of things. All it matters is going forward with the system.

Also, please note that I don’t equate our Universe & life with a dry computer program. But that doesn’t mean that this is not how the whole thing roughly works. It’s simply a way to visualize it in order to make sense of things. Besides, as above, so below. So whose to say that they’re not all too similar in function?

3. Nirvana

We established above there’s only recycling and constant growth for the Universe, for its quest for novelty and “experience”. And there you have a bunch of monks, who say “fuck this, I don’t want to get recycled again”. The way I see this, is like going against the program. They make their memory range unavailable by opting out of the program. Now, let me say that this isn’t a holy thing, neither it’s a sin. It’s simply a state of Being, a choice. A choice that I’m not even sure if it actually works (it’s possible that Buddha thought that if he reaches Nirvana he doesn’t get re-incarnated again, only to find himself recycled yet again after his death). But if it does work, well, that’s cool too. There are those “evil” people who want to thrive in separation, and the “holy” ones, who take the way out of the equation (or so they think). Either way is acceptable by the One, because all the One wants to do is experience “different things”. Life is an illusory game after all.

And this brings me to one point where I do agree with Buddhism in a big way: “The Middle Way”. The middle way is simply living a life as a normal person. Not a monk, and not a gangster either. But rather, a life proper to the species you got recycled in. Just live your life to your highest enjoyment, and experience life as lucidly as you can, and you have already fulfilled your role. You don’t need to “do” anything special, unless such instruction was given to you during the recycling (e.g. “find the cure for cancer”). But for most people, it’s not more complicated than the Universe telling them: “let me experience through your eyes, not much else you must do, just fucking live”.

I’ll have to reiterate once more on this blog: the meaning of life is life itself.

At the end, as many psychedelic users have been shown on their trips, and Buddhism also says, everything is as it should be. Everything is perfect. When you die, you’d know that for sure.

Update: I should add here that I find very beneficial for people to meditate or take the right entheogens in order to discover their true selves. The I AM. That part is indeed very useful since it ceases existential problems for most. Some call that “enlightenment”. But after your session of remembering of who you really are, you come back down, and you live your life the best you can.