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My view on Buddhist Doctrine

These days, my existential beliefs are more in line with Buddhism, and to some degree, to the less crazy/commercial parts of New Age. Kabbalah, which I loathed for years as an atheist, is also one of my favorite sources for knowledge nowadays too. However, I don’t follow dogmas and doctrines blindly. Everything goes through the logic analyzer in my own head before I accept it as possible Truth. It’s in my nature to question everything. These are the things I have trouble believing in:

1. Re-incarnation

I do believe in re-incarnation, just not in the way Buddhism and other religions explain it. I have trouble believing that “me”, Eugenia, re-incarnates again as the “same soul” in another body. Sure, I accept that parts of the Source (“God”/Universe consciousness) re-incarnate constantly, but not that the SAME soul part is re-incarnating “as is” to another body. In other words, I believe in RECYCLING of consciousness, not in re-incarnation. This just makes logical sense to me if I try to visual it and understand it in terms of a computer program. For example, if you had some memory reserved for a 3D-generated human, let’s say, 25 MBs of data, and then you dump that data from memory (i.e. the person dies), that data then is lost (ego-loss). Then, the memory is freed and joins the rest of free memory (becomes One with the All). Then, it’s time to use some memory again, for another part of the 3D environment. You grab 35 MB of memory to depict a 3D elephant, or 2 MB of memory to depict a 3D insect. So, if you use that same memory range that previously the 3D human was occupying, it means that he either added 10 MBs to his “soul” to become an elephant, or he lost 23 MBs to become an insect. Which means, that the re-incarnated version of the human is not the same as before anymore. It makes no sense to use that memory range to depict humans only, because that’s a very gross way of optimizing things (plus, humans didn’t always exist). So, from this I conclude that the person that died earlier, is NOT the same soul-part as the one that get re-incarnated. So a more accurate description of the process would be “recycling”, and not “re-incarnation”. When you die, your soul doesn’t come back as another person. It gets recycled, and it can become a gazillion pieces, recycled to various things (inanimate things too, since these are made of “God” too). Everything is in as-needed basis.

But you see, this is an unpopular belief (I haven’t seen it mentioned anywhere before). No one would follow Buddhism if the doctrine would be all about “you die, but PARTS of you come back as some random things in the universe”. It’s depressing to think of yourself re-incarnated as a bunch of rocks or bacteria, for example. But the described system of recycling makes more sense to me than the little fairy tales of hope that various religions have been indoctrinating to people for eons. I think it’s time to grow up, and understand that when we die, we lose our ego/identity, our “soul” temporarily becomes One with the All, and then it gets recycled into whatever is needed by the system, which is NOT necessarily “another human”. The chances of coming back with the exact same “soul” as a sentient being, is astronomically small in my view.

Now, having said that, I do believe that consciousness evolves, just like the physical universe, its planets and its life on them evolves. When we get recycled, we go through the Morphic field, as Dr Rupert Sheldrake has described it. We get information from it regarding the species we get recycled to (“instinct”), but we also contribute back to it by simply living as one of these species. The Morphic field is possibly ordered by species, with new subfields emerging when new species are getting emerged between neighboring species. There’s no real distinction between species or even inanimate things in reality, they’re just ordered arrays. When seeing the whole thing, it contains the consciousness of the universe, not just that of a specific species. So living as a particular species, it contributes consciousness back to the field, just like when our body dies it becomes food for plants (compost). Everything gets recycled. Everything is energy anyway, so it can’t be destroyed, it can only be transformed.

Regarding past lives, it’s possible that the information gathered during hypnosis is real, but that doesn’t mean that they’re “your” lives. They could be anyone’s, since in reality, you’re Everyone and Everything, and you’re “reading” these past lives info from the morphic field.

2. Karma

If my… calculations above are correct, this means that there’s no such thing as karma. After death, Hitler never got punished for anything either. Everything simply is. The Universe simply strives for novelty, and wants to experience itself any way possible. Including ways we humans perceive as “evil”. There’s no judgement after death, this is accepted nowadays among mystics. I’d go one level further and say that there’s no karma either. It’s impossible to think of a memory range being punished by reusing it in a way that makes it feel pain. It’s not logical to make a memory range have a negative recycling, because that would mean that the whole program would become unstable. All memory is equal, no matter what they were selected to depict. It’s stupid to think otherwise. You’re important to the system, but you’re not more or less special than everything else. Not even special enough to get in trouble to give you a negative experience if you were “bad” in your previous life. Therefore, I think karma is hogwash.

Please note that I don’t accept that these views are nihilism. I simply see them as logical interpretations of mystical beliefs: in how such a system/consciousness would work to manifest a holographic universe and to also loan its intellect to “power” conscious beings while at it. It makes no sense to create whole rules and laws of “this” soul and “that” soul etc. That’s redundant crap in the grand scheme of things. All it matters is going forward with the system.

Also, please note that I don’t equate our Universe & life with a dry computer program. But that doesn’t mean that this is not how the whole thing roughly works. It’s simply a way to visualize it in order to make sense of things. Besides, as above, so below. So whose to say that they’re not all too similar in function?

3. Nirvana

We established above there’s only recycling and constant growth for the Universe, for its quest for novelty and “experience”. And there you have a bunch of monks, who say “fuck this, I don’t want to get recycled again”. The way I see this, is like going against the program. They make their memory range unavailable by opting out of the program. Now, let me say that this isn’t a holy thing, neither it’s a sin. It’s simply a state of Being, a choice. A choice that I’m not even sure if it actually works (it’s possible that Buddha thought that if he reaches Nirvana he doesn’t get re-incarnated again, only to find himself recycled yet again after his death). But if it does work, well, that’s cool too. There are those “evil” people who want to thrive in separation, and the “holy” ones, who take the way out of the equation (or so they think). Either way is acceptable by the One, because all the One wants to do is experience “different things”. Life is an illusory game after all.

And this brings me to one point where I do agree with Buddhism in a big way: “The Middle Way”. The middle way is simply living a life as a normal person. Not a monk, and not a gangster either. But rather, a life proper to the species you got recycled in. Just live your life to your highest enjoyment, and experience life as lucidly as you can, and you have already fulfilled your role. You don’t need to “do” anything special, unless such instruction was given to you during the recycling (e.g. “find the cure for cancer”). But for most people, it’s not more complicated than the Universe telling them: “let me experience through your eyes, not much else you must do, just fucking live”.

I’ll have to reiterate once more on this blog: the meaning of life is life itself.

At the end, as many psychedelic users have been shown on their trips, and Buddhism also says, everything is as it should be. Everything is perfect. When you die, you’d know that for sure.

Update: I should add here that I find very beneficial for people to meditate or take the right entheogens in order to discover their true selves. The I AM. That part is indeed very useful since it ceases existential problems for most. Some call that “enlightenment”. But after your session of remembering of who you really are, you come back down, and you live your life the best you can.

TheoCosmology v1.0


Let me start by saying outright that I’m not a cosmologist or a physicist. I’m an artist. As such, all I have to get me going is my imagination. So I present nothing more, or less than just that.

The question

I’ve searched long and hard on both science and mystical religions to find out more about the universe and God. Buddhism, Kabbalah and New Age spirituality got me closer to understand this “consciousness” that exists behind all this infinite possibility, that most people call “God”. They claim that One is All, and All is One. Science on the other hand, gave me a more concrete, rational picture of the laws that govern the universe we live in, and offered hypothesis about other universes too.

In my personal view, spirituality and science don’t collide. It’s just that we’re neither spiritually or scientifically evolved-enough to see some of the connections.

However, neither spirituality, nor science, was able to give me any answer to my question: “why?“. Why did creation of this or other universes happens at all? Is it some random act of cosmic chance? Is it God doing some art or math for the fun of it? Is God trying to “experience itself”, as newer schools of spiritual thought suggest?

But the question again is “why”. Why does God want to have fun? Why God wants to even experience itself? And why something random could happen on such a cosmic scale?

So this question of “why” kept coming back to my mind for weeks now. Last night, while watching a very nice speech by a Kabbalah rabbi, he said something that set off in my head a series of thoughts that helped me put together this theory. He said: “we don’t know why God created the universe, we can’t be in the mind of God“.

And then it hit me.

What if this is exactly where we are situated? In the very “mind” and “brains” of God?

A potential answer

Step 1:

Picture this universe of our own, living in its own container box. The box is just a visualization to make this theory more comprehensible.

Now picture that in this universe there are infinite number of dimensions or densities, most of them, invisible to us. In spiritual teachings, these are called vibrations, or frequencies.

Now picture that this universe generates an infinite number of parallel universes, based on our own, branching out in every cosmic moment. Modern quantum physics call this phenomena “many-worlds interpretation”, which manifests when there’s an interaction at quantum level. Each of these parallel universes also branches out the set of dimensions/densities as well when they clone-out.

All of these (almost?) infinite “planes of existence” exist in the same box, it’s just that they’re invisible to each other.

Step 2:

Now picture the Multiverse theory, which says that next to our own universe box with everything it contains, there are an (almost?) infinite number of other universe boxes, which are completely different than that of our own. Even their natural laws could be different.

Each one of these universe boxes, have their own dimensions, densities, and parallel universes, which also extends them almost infinitely inside their own box.

So now picture all these infinite amount of universe boxes that could exist, situated next to each other. It extends forever up and down, and it looks like a matrix, doesn’t it?

Step 3:

Each one of these universes is evolving. There are epochs where they are just made of gases, then they have solid matter, then have mostly dark energy etc. During these epochs, its own natural laws might shift a bit, as itself (and all of their parallel universe branches, independently) evolve. In the same way, galaxies and planets within, also evolve, in some abstract way.

According to a new theory, each universe expands up to a point, and then it stops doing so. During the time of its life, the universe generates more energy (gravity does, in a sense). But as time goes by, mass becomes heavier, because gravity becomes increased (as this new theory also predicts).

In my opinion, gravity is nothing but a force generated by the “weight” of all other parallel universes and densities living in the same box space as we are. As more and more parallel universes are created (with planets & galaxies often manifesting on the same coordinates within the box), each one adds a tiny bit of “felt” weight in the box.

Eventually, after a few billion years of universe life, the universe collapses onto itself because of the immense gravity generated inside that “box”. It’s possible that the “matter” of that universe gets recycled afterwards. More on all this later.

Step 4:

Let’s have an intermission here, using some spiritual ideas for a moment that will come handy in the overall theory.

I was never taught real religion at school. The version of religion I was taught, is the same type of “pop” religion that 99.9% of the religious population gets taught too: nice little moral stories of deities or prophets doing some miraculous stuff, and a judgmental God that generates fear. Each one of these religions tell these stories a little bit differently. Wars have been fought over that, millions of lives perished.

What I found though, when I did my own research on the field of spirituality and mysticism (which I separate from “religion”) is that there is no true division between these traditions! From Sufism to Judaism and from Buddhism to Zen, Hinduism and now New Age, the mystical parts of these traditions are 95% in agreement! You will have to understand my surprise to learn that Kabbalah (an Abrahamic tradition) believes in reincarnation! I could not believe my eyes when I read that!

First it was surprise, but then it was anger. Why the heck was I never taught about the true essence of these philosophies at high school? Why was I subjected to silly little stories of “pop” religion instead? But that’s an article for another time.

So basically, what I found is that these traditions agree on all the main points of “what’s really is going on”:
– We are all One.
– We, ourselves are too what folks call “God”. Others call it “Source” or “Supreme Being”.
– We are Creator Beings. Whatever we think, it manifests. Either in this reality, or as a parallel universe branch-off. And more.
– Lose the Ego, and you will unite with Everything.
– There are other dimensions/densities (“realms”) within our own universe.
– There are carrier waves and portals everywhere in the universe (wormholes).
– The chakra points can do a lot of things, including instantly transport you to other realms or places within the “box”.
– The meaning of life is life itself! To experience, to learn, to be happy! To live with the goodness of your own heart as a moral compass, is the same thing as “serving God”. You need no preachers or laws to know right from wrong. You’re your own compass.
– The “soul” is nothing but a small part of God’s conscious energy, gifted to you. Our essence is made of God, and so we’re always connected to the Source.
– God’s essence is Love. There is no “good and evil” or duality in its realm.
– We and everything else in this box are here in order to learn and evolve. This includes inanimate things, not just biological ones.

This last point is important. Evolving means doing something that hasn’t been done before. And I believe that this is what Source is after from all these universes it spins off in every moment of its Existence: Novelty.

Step 5:

Remember that God is after novelty. Also remember that we, ourselves are Creator Beings. We and everything else are connected to Source at all times, exchanging information with it at every level.

The only way for God to achieve creation and novelty in its vast multi-dimensional matrix of “boxes”, is by mixing and matching every little detail that manifests in a universe (and/or its parallel universes) with at least one of the other universes that are.

Bam! A new universe was just created!

The new universe was created either on a new box, or by occupying the “space” of a “dead” universe that had collapsed itself earlier. The new universe has traits that no other universe ever had (novelty). It’s the embodiment of evolution of some, or all of the universes that ever existed before it. The data of this new universe flow withing the matrix structure immediately, and as the new universe creates novelty, and it mixes and matches, even newer universes are created. And this repeats forever and ever, ad infinitum.

Prime Creator said to these extensions of itself, “Go out and create and bring all things back to me.” — (supposedly) Pleiadian scripture

Step 6:

What all this means is that God itself, the Source, evolves. Not accepting that God evolves, is like thinking that God is “static”, and that’s like calling it “dead”. It surely isn’t dead, in fact, God is the very definition of Life. Sure, it is All that ever Was, Is, and ever Will Be, since there’s no time from its point of view. However, from our point of view in linear space/time, it evolves. God is essentially Perfect, but Incomplete from our limited standpoint (since in our own time of reference, it hasn’t exhausted all possibilities and combinations just yet).

So far, I think all this takes care of the explanation of how things work in general terms on my theory. The following is my proposed “why”.

Step 7:

Now picture that immense, infinite, multi-dimensional matrix of universe “boxes”, full of light. Now imagine a universe box collapsing onto itself, it has reached its end of life. The box transmits its last data, sends its matter to recycle, and it goes dark.

Matrix of Universe Boxes

Since we’re talking about immensely many universe boxes, and a “time” where the life of a whole universe feels like a nanosecond, now imagine this whole matrix of boxes lighting ON and OFF real fast, seemingly at a random order.

What does this picture of on/off screens reminds you of?

Exactly! A computer! Or a biological brain! If you want to call that ON/OFF signal “bits” or “neurons”, is up to you! The point is: WE (everything in every universe) are making God able to THINK.

So not only we put ideas into “his head”, not only we are these ideas, not only it experiences them through us, but we provide this Entity its very Consciousness.

“God is consciousness” mystics say. “Science must take consciousness into account” a Stanford professor suggests.

Step 8:

And it goes further than that. Not only God is a Mind (Consciousness) that evolves, but it also generates more energy than the energy it originally put into creating a new Universe box. During the life of a Universe box, its increasing gravity creates energy.

In other words, God is a perpetual Entity, in every conceivable way possibly. It grows in every conceivable way possibly (intellectually, energetically etc). We are part of it, and it’s part of us. We are One and yet, at times, we have to take part in the illusion of Separation through the manifestation of these “materialized” Universes, in order to allow both to grow. It’s a symbiotic relationship with ourself!


So this is my explanation of the “why” creation(s) happened. In its most fundamental level, it’s because of self-preservation. If the seeds of creation didn’t exist in God’s virgin, original version, this Entity would not survive (exist). It’s the ultimate law that every living thing follows in our own realm too. As above, so below.

Atheism, Religion and Spirituality

The wars continue on. There are these who say there’s a God, these who say that there isn’t one, and everything in between. I spent many years as a Christian Orthodox, then an Atheist, and now I identify with New Age Spirituality.

The problem with spirituality is that atheists see it as religion, and religious people see it either as atheism, or as something heretic and distorted. However, I don’t consider this type of Spirituality to be a religion. I don’t even consider it strictly a “belief” either, because there’s at least some degree of proof in it. Neither I consider it atheism. To me, it’s just the natural order of things in the universe.

What is Spirituality

To me, Spirituality is like saying that “the keyboard that I type this in right now exists, not because I believe it does, but because it I can see it with my own eyes”. In my opinion, Spirituality exists somewhere in between traditional religion and atheism, and it’s on the opposite site of agnosticism. In short:

Religion: I believe that this keyboard exists. I was told it does, and I have faith that it does.
Atheism: The keyboard doesn’t exist. End of story.
Agnosticism: I don’t know if the keyboard exists or not, there’s no proof of any kind.
Spirituality: The keyboard exists. I can see it with my own eyes, so I have personal proof.

Why it’s not a “traditional” religion

Religion in the modern times seems to be prescribed as anything that is unattainable and mystical. It’s all a mystery. God did this, God did that, God said this or that, you should fear God, you can’t understand God. This is the crux of all “pop” religions, as I call them. Be it Abrahamic religions, or the “pop” versions of Eastern religions, it’s all about fear, silly ritual, and organized endeavors. The few that do get these religions right are usually only monks and mystics. The rest of the population, is simply controlled by religion, they live in fear, and in blind superstition.

Spirituality on the other hand, is freedom. There is no organized cult behind it, and there is no fear. There is no control, or dogmas. There is only one teaching: LOVE. Everything else, is secondary. Spirituality proves to the individual by his/her personal experience that everything is One. That there is a loving consciousness where everything interconnects, making us all part of this same Source Being. Some would call this “God”, and that’s ok. Others could even call it simply, just “everything”. But as I said, Unconditional Love is the main teaching.

Why it’s not atheism

Atheists do not believe that anything apart from themselves and the visible or scientifically-understandable universe exists. While they’re usually open to ideas of parallel universes and such (as proposed by math or quantum physics), the idea they resist the most is that that there’s a God. There are atheists who just in need of proof, and there are atheists simply because they hate what religions have become and they see no point in believing in a ruthless God (nor do I, for that matter).

Obviously, spirituality is not atheism per se, since it accepts that there are realms beyond the visible, and of course, it accepts that a person can attain knowledge that we’re all part of the same Source Being/Consciousness.

Personal proof

The difference with both religion and atheism is that with Spirituality you can have personal proof that God exists. You can feel, and see “God” right in front of your eyes. This is not something that the vast majority of traditionally religious people can claim. Most of these believers live in the dark ages of “blind faith”.

Of course, personal proof is not scientific proof, but that’s just because science hasn’t reached that level yet, being able to detect higher frequencies of Being, which are also full of life. But the point is, that these realms are real enough for the person experiencing them to transform him/her. Why do you need an experiment to tell you that what you see in front of you is real or not? If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it’s probably a duck. Even if it ends up being a powerful hallucination, it’s real-enough to the person who experienced it. What is “real” anyway? Physics haven’t even answered that yet!

“A human being is a part of a whole, called by us ‘universe’, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest… a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness.” — Albert Einstein

How To

Experiences range from astral projection to other planets, to other realms that live in different frequencies, to time travel, to parallel timelines, to different universe bubbles, but the ultimate destination is to be connected with Source. When you do, then all the knowledge of what has ever been, is, and ever will be, is yours (although, you’re not “you” anymore, as you will also experience what is called “ego death” in order to connect with All). While One with the One, you will feel unconditional love for all, a type of divine ecstasy and acceptance that it can’t be felt while on your human body. It’s a type of feeling that is not analogous to the feelings we can experience while in our 3rd density/dimension body.

There are two ways to connect to the Source:
1. The easiest ways are via DMT/Ayahuasca, or high doses of magic mushrooms, LSD, and possibly mescaline (I’d avoid Salvia, it transports you to lower densities instead of higher ones).

The public has been conditioned to believe that these “drugs” produce hallucinations, or that they’re dangerous. I believe that the government is just myopic on that respect. If you start reading DMT trip reports, you will find yourself puzzled about the similarity of reports on the various realms. There is a plethora of aliens or higher beings contacted via DMT, but some have canning similarities between reports. For example, the “machine elfs”, or the beings of Pure Light. The lower astral parasites that feed on your energy, and the “demons” (possibly life forms that simply evolved to ingest life force from souls in order to survive). These drug trips, especially on DMT, look more real than real to the user. With LSD and mushrooms, which are less intense and don’t always transport you to other realms, you can experience telepathy and literally see the fractals that constitute our “holographic reality”.

I mean, it’s surely of wonder how when high on some of these substances you can see an entity flying around your room that you never noticed before, only to have your dog chasing and barking at it at the same time. Makes you wonder.

A small amount of people on hallucinogenics have connected with Source. They don’t always attain its high frequency, most of the time they end up somewhere in the middle of all things. It’s a crapshoot.

2. Meditation. This is the harder way, but also the best way in both astral safety, and navigating through the higher realms, to eventually reach Source. It might take years before you do, but when you do, you’re truly Enlightened, and the connection doesn’t get severed (as it does with hallucinogens, that simply offer a glimpse of what is).


At the end, no matter what I write, atheists will break apart this article picking on words and sentences, and the religious people would do exactly the same thing. But it doesn’t matter. Personal proof is all I need. I need neither our existing (limited) science, nor blind faith. The middle road works for me for now. If anything, I continue to live a type of life that is more akin to an atheist (in terms of not interfering with other people’s freedoms as some Christians/Muslims do). My day to day life hasn’t changed one bit when I became Spiritual. All it changed was the way I viewed the Cosmos. I do not feel alone anymore, there’s life everywhere. I now don’t fear death because I’m Eternal.

Past Life Regression

About fifteen years ago I had a number of past life regression sessions done with a friend of mine. I only touched on the subject on this blog over the years, but never went into describing all of them because of fear of ridicule. Plus, I wasn’t sure I believed these self-hypnosis regression results anyway. I always thought they were fun, be it real or not. I still do not know if they’re real, but soon I will, as specific meditation is able to provide me with such answers.

Anyways, the point is that I’m not afraid anymore to share these stories, so here they are:

– This life: Born in Athens, Greece, 1973. You know parts of this story.

– Previous life: I don’t remember much about that specific regression, only that I was male, probably worked as a watch-maker or something like that. I do remember very clearly my death though: I was in a hospital, in Lyon, France, in the 1930s (I think). I died in peace, possibly with some fever, but this life was all loneliness. I died all alone.

– Pre-previous life: East Coast, USA, in the mid-1800s. I was a female, and I was repressed by my old-fashioned father (same father I have in this life). After becoming an adult, I left home in secret, and moved to Philadelphia, working as a stitcher in a big factory. I met someone whom I fell in love (it felt like this soul is my brother in this current life), but it didn’t go far at that point. Shortly after I met this person, in my mid-20s, I decided to go back to the town I came from, to try and reconcile with the family. A few days later, I found myself abducted at night, thrown into a pit that my father and his brothers had dug, shot, and burned alive.

– 1500s: I was a Spanish seaman, a homosexual male. Very religious too. Had an affair with the captain. I don’t know much about this life, because this came through the regressions of my friend, and not via my own.

– ~1400s: I was a local Duke of some sort (male), somewhere in Europe, with lots of land. This life was overall normal, I seemed to be having everything I needed, except one little thing that was ruining my life: frequent alien abductions by the Greys.

– ~1300s: Italy, female. Very normal life. Grew up, got married, had a few children. Nothing extraordinary to report about this life. I guess that’s what someone could call it as taking a “life vacation”.

– ~30: Israel, female. At the age of 15 I started working as a janitor at the place where the local Roman high command was situated. I fell in love with a young soldier. We were crazy for each other. This soul, I realized years later upon meeting him, it was the soul of my current husband. But soon he was re-posted East, and he had to leave. I never saw him again. So much pain from this separation, that it still breaks my hurt when I remember it. Some time after that, I was extremely unhappy that I missed the visitation of the prophet Yeshua in my town, because I was held back at work. I remember running in the tiny streets of my town to maybe catch a glimpse of him, but to no avail. A few years later, I was a full blown Christian, one of the very first. I was married to the soul that today is my father. I wanted him to be a Christian like I was, and in fact, he DID believe, but he didn’t want to join all this officially because he was afraid of “what other people might say about it”. So our relationship was strained because of this. After many years, I decided to get baptized on a nearby river. The moment the baptism happened, I had an extremely strong feeling of divine acceptance. It felt amazing. One of the purest feelings I have ever felt, that compares to nothing that I have experienced in this current life so far.

Out of known time:

– Male engineer of a new propulsion system of a pyramid-shaped spaceship. This is the only life that I have detailed previously on my blog. The only thing that I wasn’t brave-enough to share was that this place was what we today think of as “Atlantis”. That life was one of my most interesting lives: space exploration and such.

– Male, in another planet. We look lizard-like (walking on two feet though). This planet has darkness on the one side, and sunlight on the other all the time. We live on the dark side. I don’t think we grow up among parents. It’s a totalitarian society. We get educated, we grow up, and we start working. Our only aspiration is that after our life-long service, the State will place us on the light side of the planet, to live leisurely for the remaining of our lives. That’s the promise. We live our lives craving for some sunlight. Before I start working on the job that will take over my life, I fall in love with a female. We have an egg together! Soon after I find myself working on one of the space stations that orbits the planet. We have anti-gravity, but our technology is not very advanced, we are probably just about 100 years ahead of what we’re now on Earth. There, over the course of several years, we meet 2-3 other alien races. We are barred from talking about it, disclosure hasn’t happened yet. I died because of a fire/explosion that happens to the space station at some point. My soul, wandering, then visits the light side of the planet. It is a total desert, and it’s not livable. Everyone that got dumped there has died shortly afterwards. We offered our life-long service to the State over a lie.

Meditation and Psychedelics as a way to reach Nirvana

My journey into learning more about how to reach the Global Consciousness that some people call “God”, and eventually unite with it after death, continues. I’ve been reading a lot, during both night and day. I’ve learned a lot. And I continue to question a lot. Dogma is not something that I easily succumb to. I guess you can call me a non-religious theist.

So in my search, it seems that the white light of the Infinite Oneness that some psychedelic users report during their ego-death (a small fraction of them do usually), is the same “entity” of the God/Self as the one that the Yogis, Buddhists, and mystics of any religion report. While the details around the whole thing called “Reality” might have variations (e.g. how many realms exist, names of various angels/”Gods” etc), they all agree on what really matters: what God really is. And it’s definitely not an old guy with a beard sitting in the clouds judging our every move (we do that ourselves). God is Unconditional Love. Nothing more, or less.

So in my search on how to reach Enlightenment, I came across all these very interesting reports of DMT users, who have had a glimpse of true Enlightenment. From what I’ve read, I’d say that everyone’s life was transformed after that feeling of pure Love they experienced. Atheists became religious, and all they wanted to do is help others, share the DMT spice with others in order for them to experience, and live the gift called “life” in its fullest, and in the process, transform the world around them. So far, so good.

“DiMiTri and Spirit”, collage by me

But for many of these people, that is only “temporary” Enlightenment. After a few weeks or months, they fall back into their old ego-self. While better than before as individuals, they’re not as connected with the Source anymore. Some, might even start abusing the spice, in order to reach again this feeling of pure love. But to no avail, since DMT is extremely unpredictable and can land you to realms that you would never want to be in. DMT is essentially a hack of the universal system that binds all. You override your brain’s capacity to filter out information. But you have no control over it. It’s a crapshoot. So, you connect to its network, and then you’re hitting “I’m feeling lucky…”.

So I looked for alternatives to reach Nirvana (and stay there). The other alternative is following the life of a Yogi/Yogini. Becoming a monk, and meditating all day. And btw, Eastern-philosophy monks on LSD have verified that the psychedelic realms is what they also see when they deep-meditate (“so, what is new?”, one remarked). I’ve read various Yogi interviews/lectures/Q&As, and they all agree that the way to become one with God is to meditate. Meditate, until you self-realize that you’re God yourself. For most of these Yogis, to achieve that state, they had to meditate for ~40 years straight, and during their last phase, they had to meditate 20 hours a day, straight. Meditation could merge one’s Higher Self with the Source, and if the connection is strong, it supposedly can stay there after death for good.

Well, I have a problem with that idea. To me, it contradicts the whole idea of why we exist in the first place. We exist in order to experience, create, love. In fact, this is why the Universe started to begin with (according to all these philosophies, and psychedelic users’ realization). Our Universe and the various realms are simply a fun project of the Oneness, in order to achieve Awareness. To LIVE, through US. We’re droplets in an ocean, living under the illusion of separateness. So “God” gave itself a small push (Big Bang), and let evolution take its course.

So Yogis/monks tell me that in order to achieve Oneness with God, and stop the re-incarnation process, I have to start meditating 20 hours a day. But, that would mean that at best, only about 10000 people among the few billions that have ever walked the Earth have achieved permanent Enlightenment. If that.

And that thought is just ludicrous.

Think of it this way: what a Yogi meditates to achieve, is to become that what forms God: no ego, pure formless light. So the Yogi, takes God’s FORM and ATTRIBUTES. But does a Yogi become Unconditional Love? For that is the ESSENCE of God. This is the difference of becoming Gandhi’s Madame Tussaud’s wax statue, as opposed to actually becoming Gandhi.

Most Yogis will tell you that yes, they experience Unconditional Love through Enlightenment.

Really now?

So why did they just spent 40 years of their life living a parasitic life, often depending on the donations of the faithful? Wouldn’t it be better to meditate a few hours a week only, get a job, donate all the extra salary to the poor every month, and spend the rest of the free day physically helping their neighbors? Wouldn’t THAT be a true life of service? Wouldn’t THAT be Unconditional Love to your fellow man? Wouldn’t THAT be true EGO DEATH?

And if meditation is the “only” way to achieve Self-Realization as the Yogi claim, wouldn’t giving that up for the service of your community, would be the ultimate sacrifice? The sacrifice of your own soul’s salvation? And wouldn’t exactly THAT save you? Because THAT would be the Ultimate Expression of Unconditional Love?

“The Last Barrier (Godhead)”, collage by me

Instead, we have monks and Yogis spending countless hours doing NOTHING. Sure, they explore the various realms inside their mind, in hopes of one day reaching God. But they do NOTHING for what they were born alive to do: LIVE, CREATE, EXPERIENCE this realm. Instead, they seem to me as saying: “Oh, you need me to help you? Please give me 40 years to reach Enlightenment, and then I will“. What a load of selfish bull.

And don’t even let me touch on the subject of animals (which are also God), that simply can’t meditate (although they do perceive the Global Consciousness better than us humans — dogs & cats are known to be telepathic with their masters). Does that mean that animals (and microbes, and inanimate matter) can never reach the God within them? Wouldn’t that be a shame? And totally UNFAIR? Where is that touted Unconditional Love then?

So, I have a problem with this train of thought, of giving your life to the monastic practice (or to be permanently stoned, for that matter) in order to achieve something that you were self-removed from in the first place (and you never truly left in the first place). Becoming a yogi is an acceptable life path, since it’s an experience in itself. But it’s not the path to Nirvana. If God wanted us to spend a lifetime of trying to reach him, he would have given us an elevator. Or, 90% of the population would be monks, since it would be part of our cosmic programming. In reality, WE chose life, and to live this lie of separateness, in order to achieve awareness.

Old Zen saying: “Before Enlightenment: chop wood, carry water. After Enlightenment: chop wood, carry water.”

My theory is that after death, EVERYONE is achieving Nirvana/Salvation (good or bad person), but they still decide to come back to life in some form, because when alive, they become aware (which is the whole point). Any other explanation makes no sense to me, because preventing parts of Itself from becoming One again, is simply NOT Unconditional Love. Besides, we are already Divine, since we’re already God. Not to mention that “heaven” by definition can’t have conditions of entry; it’s open for all, or it’s not Heaven. Restriction is never an option because that would mean rejection, not unconditional love. So, especially people believe in Abrahamic religions, they need to stop victimize themselves. I would want nothing to do with a God who rejects itself like some kind of an EMO kid that self-harms. There are better ways to self-realize that it’s alive: LIFE itself.

Heck, if God wanted us to know that he even exists as One, he would have made it crystal clear, rather than creating this illusionary charade of a weekend project, called the physical Universe, which is a shadow of its true reality.

So, in my view, Manifested life (being aware) is death (separateness from the One), and death (becoming One) is unmanifested life (non-awareness of one’s self).

What God (us) wants, it seems to me, is to play the game: Live. Experience. Create. Love. And all the other good stuff, that everyone intrinsically know as good. In fact, many DMT users have received the Word directly: HAVE FUN. There are no mystical soul levels you have to achieve: all realms of Creation are equal in their divinity, since they’re all God — they simply operate with different laws of physics that might look like magic to us (so, no worship of angels/”gods”, please). And there is no judgement (except the one you apply yourself, during your life, and shortly after death). The meaning of life, is life. YOU chose to live. So just make the best out of it.

All is One, and One is All

I don’t know if anyone still reads my blog, I haven’t updated for a while. But if you’re one of my older readers, you probably remember my atheism posts. For over 10 years now, I was an atheist. For the last 4-5 years, I was one of these Reddit-style atheists too, getting easily upset with organized religion and its followers.

I’m no longer an atheist (at least, not with the common definition of the word).

And no, I’m not religious either (again, with the common definition of the word). I still despise organized religion as much as I always have. And neither I’m an agnostic.

I simply feel enlightened. I guess, if you had to categorize me, you’d probably call me “spiritual”, but even that word doesn’t truly capture my state of thought.

I usually philosophize a lot during the day, and it was for a long time now that I had decided that the meaning of life is simply to “experience”. Nothing more or less than that, but experience with the full definition of the word (meaning, both good and bad experiences — every possible combination).

But it wasn’t until recently that was I able to put this realization in context.

Demeter and Persephone admire each other’s mushrooms at Eleusinian Mysteries

I realized that there has only being a single religion in the planet: mysticism. If you take the explanation of “what is” from all major mystical religions (from Kabbalah, to Theosophy, to Buddhism, to Shamanism, to Eleusinian Mysteries etc), these mystical religions have all claimed that “God” is YOU.

“God” is all there is (if you want to call this “God”). Everything around us, is God, and it’s alive! From human beings, to plants, to rocks, to planets, to galaxies. All matter and anti-matter in this Universe and other Universes, is part of God.

All is One, and One is All there is. It’s infinite in all directions.

We are droplets of God’s existence. We are grains in the sand. But as insignificant as a grain of sand is, the more powerful it is when it realizes that it’s made of Love. This knowledge is Freedom!

Why do we exist? To experience. You see, “all there is”, is lonely. Every possible combination, must be experienced, in several planes of existence, each with its own rules. We experience on its behalf. There is no “Good” and “Evil”. There just IS.

God is made of unconditional love and we can tap-in to it when we let go of our ego. Our separateness is artificial, but it’s also needed, in order to function in this physical plane of existence. The problem is that we have emphasized in our separateness (individualism), and that separateness is all more pronounced today than it was 100 or 10,000 years ago. We lost our way.

“Net of Being” (aka “GodSelf”), artwork by Alex Grey

Organized religions (“pop religions” as I call them) have existed only for one reason alone: control of their subjects. The Truth (and all the possible combinations of Truth that you might discover yourself) doesn’t need priests, for you are your own God. If you can’t realize your true Nature and you need others to sell you dogma, you’re ending up more separate and more enslaved than you could ever be. No, don’t take this blog post as dogma either, learn the truth yourself.

As to how to realize the Truth by yourself, there are various methods. Buddhism has some cool tricks, e.g. meditation, fasting, African tribes have drumming and dance, Amazonian tribes have Ayahuasca. The fastest way to witness enlightenment in the West is via illegally-obtained tryptamines (particularly DMT, although mushrooms, mescalin, LSD have their uses too). That’s right, these substances that our confused legal system calls “dangerous drugs”. They’re dangerous only to the System, for they can show you how SILLY and ARTIFICIAL culture, political systems, truly are. I’ve never felt more prosecuted in my life for not being allowed to experience my own consciousness.

But make no mistake. Tryptamines will only show you how things really are. What you do from then on, and how you change your life to line up yourself with Harmony, is the difficult part. “Knowing” is only the beginning. It barely gets you to a baseline.

UPDATE: Just found these two videos online, completely randomly. That’s exactly what I’m talking about. It’s just that the guy on these two videos can definitely say it better than I ever could express myself.

Atheism 2.0 is ridiculous

TED published a video today by Alain de Botton, suggesting a “religion for atheists”. Basically, atheism that “incorporates religious forms and traditions to satisfy our human need for connection, ritual and transcendence”.

I must thank Alain for thinking of us atheists, but his views are myopic. Bollocks, even.

He goes on to say that education does not provide true guidance and that humans need (spiritual?) “help” all the time. Weird, because I don’t really need any of that kind of help — not any more than my normal relationship with my partner, family, or friends provide. I’m glad that I live in one of the most progressive places in the world, so people here are smart & intelligent to provide me with tangible, objective, no-bullshit advice should I need one.

I practice love, generosity, and forgiveness on any chance I get. I’m not trying to boast, but now that my major health adventure is over, I do try to help out my community (I teach free filmmaking classes for kids, and I have other plans too). But I need no God, or church, or priest, or doctrine of any kind to tell me to do these things. I know them in my head to be right because they make perfect sense, not because a deity said so. When I left Christianity back (I used to be religious in the ’90s), my opinions about love and forgiveness didn’t change. Becoming an atheist did not make me unethical. It made me more objective, and more analytical instead. But the compassion remains, I did not become empty. In fact, I see more inhumanity within religious groups today than I see between atheists.

Alain de Botton makes the mistake of thinking that atheists need extra guidance, that their education is dry and sterile, but this is not the case. While there are certainly atheists that are assholes, at least the kinds of atheists that I know are extremely smart, humane, understanding, and true freedom/liberty fighters. Societal progress is one of our major objectives of course, be it via fighting for universal healthcare, anti-corruption, environmental etc. If our society becomes more free, humane and open-minded, the citizens will be happier, that’s the idea behind our “movement” (personally I don’t see us as a movement at all, but some do). We must endlessly continue moving towards a society that’s for each-other rather than against each-other. In other words, true love. Not love instigated by a deity, or fear, but true human love.

Regarding “transcendence”: You want to transcend? Listen to music, take LSD. Or wait for future technologies. But I don’t see how trying to reach a mythical being transcend us anywhere other than the abyss. It’s just a state of mind, and in our current situation, I find it not helpful. Maybe in the future we find a technological way to save our conscious forever, or able to communicate with a higher being (e.g. a Type III civilization alien) or something like it, but today we don’t have this technology, so it’s counter-productive trying to get “high” (basically that’s what it is), instead of actively helping one-another.

Regarding “ritual”: Not only I don’t need rituals, I in fact hate rituals. It is stupid play-acting bullshit. From all his arguments, this was the dumbest one.

Regarding “connection”, it’s the only legitimate point Alain has. But I don’t need to have calendar days (as he suggests) where I join others to do specific useless things (“staring at the moon”, really?). True connection comes when people come together to solve problems, or to help one-another. Not at certain dates, but all the time. When the one becomes many, but is still singular and free. But again, I need no God to do all that. What I need is a goal (== problem that needs fixing), and a few other people who would join in the effort.

Is “The Tree of Life” a pessimistic movie?

The Tree of Life” is hailed as one of the masterpieces of filmmaking, and it’ll probably be a contender at the upcoming Oscars. The cinematography is amazing, the editing even more so, and the impressionistic “hidden” puzzle messages is found throughout the 140 minute movie’s scenes or scarce dialog.

The movie tells the story of Jack, a successful architect. Through his flashbacks we see how his early life in the ’50s and ’60s made him the person he’s today: an unbalanced, confused and rather sad person. But that’s where the norms stop. A lot of viewers were put off by the way the story is told: in a very fragmented way (“Memento” is traditionally narrative compared to this movie). On top of that we get some seemingly off-topic imagery of the birth of the universe (a 10 minute non-speaking sequence).

Personally, I didn’t mind the way the story was told. I’m used to experimental cinema (I spend quite some time watching experimental short films on REDUX via the GoogleTV, or on Vimeo via the Roku), so I actually like the impressionistic approach to editing and filmmaking. Without such efforts, there’s no progress. Apparently, a lot of filmmaking students use this movie as their main study, same way Kubrick’s “2001” used to be in the ’70s & ’80s.

Where I hang up with “The Tree of Life” though is on some of the message(s). There are many messages on this deeply philosophical movie: grace & mercy vs nature & violence (and how we should achieve balance between the two), how small & insignificant we are compared to the universe, how everything dies but something new is born from it, how much glory there’s around us to keep up move on even after something traumatic happens to us, our need to heal, how we are all finite and so we must make the most out of our relationships — since that’s all we have.

Obviously I don’t disagree with many of the messages in the film. But the movie tries a bit too hard to show us that “we are nothing in the cosmic time”. On a personal level this is of course right. We’re all going to die, we are all less than nothing in the sea of everything.

But on a grander scheme of things, as a species, or as a collective consciousness (for when species won’t matter anymore), I refuse to believe that there’s nothing we can do to stop the end of our existence when our universe dies. I refuse to believe that we live in this universe (“we” as in a collective consciousness of all sentient beings in the universe) only as long as our universe is also alive. This does not resonate with me, because it’s a very Christian approach to life, the universe, and everything. It’s very limiting, very mold-y, very dogmatic, very restrictive. The Church has tried for centuries to mold us and remind us of what we aren’t or what we can’t be (God), and how we should strive to find happiness in our little, insignificant existence. Maybe out of just plain revolting, or maybe because I don’t believe in limits, I can’t give up easily to strive to be more than I am.

I always thought of myself as a pessimist, but in this case I feel I’m more optimistic than Malick, the writer/director of the film. Like Stephen Hawking, I also believe that there is an ultimate prize for having a chance in living, and that prize is to evolve and become so advanced, that the Universe, its laws, and its limitations and dangers won’t matter anymore. In that scenario, we could out-survive it. Maybe by creating the means to move to another, younger universe, or maybe by controlling our existing one from tearing apart. I don’t know how, and surely we won’t know how for a few more millions or billions of years yet (“we” as any species or collective consciousness with the capability to reach that state, might not be humans who get that ultimate prize). But one thing is certain, I won’t give up our fate to universe’s laws and rules. I will do my best to overthrow these laws, and rules, if they get in our way “to live”. Because as I mentioned in the beginning of this article, without such bending of the norm, there’s no progress. Progress is vital to me.

So overall, I just have trouble with the deeper meaning of the film when taken in a grander context (the film invited discussions such as this after its Creation sequence, which was in itself grand). The film works on a personal level, but I have the feeling that Malick has either a bit too much of a Christian influence in his philosophical and existential opinions, or he doesn’t see all the possibilities. The funny thing is that many Christians hated the film, just because the Creation sequence featured evolution & big-bang, and not a God Creator. Malick obviously tried to get both atheists and Christians to like his film (evolution/creation scenes and existential questions for atheists, and God, prayers and overall deeper meaning of the film was meant for Christians). But the movie’s dinosaurs & CGI won’t fool me.

Overall the rest of the deep meanings of the movie are great though (if only when applied at a personal level), and filmmaking-wise the movie is revolutionary. It’s funny that most people who hated the movie, hated it for its “incoherent” editing and “pretentious” feel. Personally, I found these elements amazing on the movie. Where I have a problem with the movie is in a few of its deeper meanings instead.

Rating: 8/10

Generational ships, fembots, and life after death

I had a very weird dream this morning. More intense and cooler than usual.

So, Earth was dying, and a few select people were put on an auto-pilot spaceship, on a way to another habitable planet. The ship’s interior was emulating Earth’s natural look (mountains, rivers, etc), and there was a bright sun too. Kind of like a mini Dyson Sphere.

A few hundreds of years later, there were a few thousands of us. Resources were scarce, so we were teamed-up in small groups, to protect them. Violence would erupt if someone from another group would try to steal our stuff.

On top of all that, some technology from the “old world” would survive. There was this guy, who had acquired 4-5 fembots, and he was addicted to them. Basically, having sex with them would trigger a feeling similar to recreational drugs + orgasm (fembots could release some chemicals that would enter the bloodstream fast), and that made them irresistible and addictive. The ultimate “high,” I suppose.

Anyways, at the end, I dreamed of this huge tsunami-like “solid water” that the rivers suddenly changed into. The people taken away from it were screaming. My mom said, “put something on your head, we’ll be dragged out, in the sun, for a while”. I couldn’t find a hat, so I just put on my head… some underpants. Soon later, the “solid water” had moved up to our apartment, and it took us away too. Some quick thinking on my part was “if I could take one thing with me, what should it be?”. So I grabbed a knife (if anything, “Survivorman” on TV has shown that all you need is a knife. The rest is just skill and knowledge).

Soon enough we were dragged away by the solid water. I asked my mom, who was dragged away along my aunt, if she knew what was happening, and she replied “yes”. Apparently, the knowledge that we lived on a ship, has survived among a few of us (not everyone knew it/believed it). I started crying in my sleep, thinking “we’ve arrived, we’ve arrived!”. To top my melodramatic dream, there was actually a music score accompanying the whole thing! I guess the filmmaking “audio is as important” moniker, has been engraved deep in my subconscious, enough to make me have a soundtrack in my dreams!

Anyways, amidst all the excitement of “arriving”, I woke up.

This dream today reminded me the 4-5 “past life” regression sessions I had in the late ’90s (I wrote about these here before). While all of these regressions featured different “life stories” in different times/places (and in one occasion a different planet), the ending was always the same. Supposedly, after we die, when we’re ready to leave, we go through a vortex that hangs above our dead heads, and we go through it. Soon, we see the Earth becoming smaller and smaller. Eventually, we reach a waiting place, that some weird lifeforms are running it. Religious people would call these “angels”, I suppose, but I’m not religious.

When your turn has come, you appear before a judging panel, and you answer for yourself “how well you did in your life”. After you gave your opinion to them, you become your own judge, as you re-play your whole life in front of you. Then, you break down and cry, for all the bad things you did while alive. Supposedly, each individual also has 1-2 very specific goals in their life. These goals must be achieved. Being “good” is only half of the story.

So you choose your next life, based on what you must learn, or repeat your goals if you didn’t achieve them in the previous life. You can choose the sex, place, major events that must happen to you (good or bad), so you can learn via them. And this repeats many times, until you “graduate” (I guess some religious people would call this “nirvana,” but I’m not religious). In each life, you only take with you the “juice” of your previous experiences, not the memories. And you’re usually spending your life with the same key people over and over. For example, your father in one life, can be your wife in another. Role-switching is common.

I don’t believe in any of that of course (neither I believed in it back then), although it was fun to be part of such an “experiment.” I mean, why not, since there was no harm done. It’s interesting to think though that if there’s a shred of truth in it, then it would make sense as to what a Type III Civilization would do to educate their children. Think about it.

Instead of educating them via traditional methods, or via pre-conditioning their brains, they educate them via real life lessons. Each consciousness (aka “soul” for the religious, but I’m not religious) is transferred into the body of a primitive species, and let them live whole lives as such. In their terms of time, this whole life experience might only take a few minutes. So they might be able to “graduate” from this life school, within a few days or weeks of enrolling, but having acquired hundreds of life experiences as different species, learning all that you must learn to be a trustworthy member of a Type-III Civilization, in regards to your peers, and the other not-so-fortunate species in the universe.

It’s like virtual reality, but designed to teach youngsters how to become adult beings, fast. Some religious people would call this a process of “becoming God”, but I’m not religious. I would see it more like a school, where you can’t cheat your way around.

I mean, the last thing we want in our galaxy is a little brat, with super-advanced technology, blowing up whole planets just for fun. Right? Right??

God is first?

I was just viewing an image online from a devoted “Christian” car. He/she had written on the car “First God, then people…”.

I don’t know about other religions, but I have a good understanding of Christianity, since I studied it both in school and church, like any other good Greek would do early in life. And at least for Orthodox Christians (and for most Catholics too), the New Testament is the *main* book of Christianity. Meaning, that while both the Old and the New Testament are accepted, the New Testament is exactly that: “a new deal between God and Man”. And as every new deal and contract, it has new rules. New rules that Jesus put forth for his believers that overwrote the old rules that were put forth by a jealous, revengeful, self-centric God. That’s why Jesus’ cult became so popular in the first place: because the new rules made more sense to people who have been asking for a humanitarian-based religion, in a world ravaged by war.

The new rules are these: love, forgiveness, love your neighbor as you love yourself, etc etc. Christianity aims to make the living world a better place. And this can only be done if you put people first, not God. If you put God first you end up being a mujahid, not a true Christian. If you put God first, you are missing the whole point of Christianity. This is no different than idolizing the never-present school board for giving out the rules on how to behave in the school playground, instead of actually enjoy playing with the other kids, and be nice to them in the process. Putting God first makes no freaking sense.

As I have written in the past, I am not a believer anymore, but I do consider myself an “atheist humanist”. The way I live my life is not different than what I was taught by the Church. If I can help a fellow man, I will. It’s just that I don’t believe in the supernatural, and I don’t do things because of fear of a being called “God”. When I’ll die (and I feel it might be sooner rather than later), I will just die. The end. This blog will be the only thing that’s left of me for those who choose to remember me. This is why I get so personal some times in public.

But one thing is for sure, even in my deathbed, when I will probably start praying despite being an atheist (part of the human nature, I guess), I will still not put God first. If he exists, he should feel free to put my praying requests at the bottom of his queue if I am on the wrong about my priorities.