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My view on Buddhist Doctrine

These days, my existential beliefs are more in line with Buddhism, and to some degree, to the less crazy/commercial parts of New Age. Kabbalah, which I loathed for years as an atheist, is also one of my favorite sources for knowledge nowadays too. However, I don’t follow dogmas and doctrines blindly. Everything goes through the logic analyzer in my own head before I accept it as possible Truth. It’s in my nature to question everything. These are the things I have trouble believing in:

1. Re-incarnation

I do believe in re-incarnation, just not in the way Buddhism and other religions explain it. I have trouble believing that “me”, Eugenia, re-incarnates again as the “same soul” in another body. Sure, I accept that parts of the Source (“God”/Universe consciousness) re-incarnate constantly, but not that the SAME soul part is re-incarnating “as is” to another body. In other words, I believe in RECYCLING of consciousness, not in re-incarnation. This just makes logical sense to me if I try to visual it and understand it in terms of a computer program. For example, if you had some memory reserved for a 3D-generated human, let’s say, 25 MBs of data, and then you dump that data from memory (i.e. the person dies), that data then is lost (ego-loss). Then, the memory is freed and joins the rest of free memory (becomes One with the All). Then, it’s time to use some memory again, for another part of the 3D environment. You grab 35 MB of memory to depict a 3D elephant, or 2 MB of memory to depict a 3D insect. So, if you use that same memory range that previously the 3D human was occupying, it means that he either added 10 MBs to his “soul” to become an elephant, or he lost 23 MBs to become an insect. Which means, that the re-incarnated version of the human is not the same as before anymore. It makes no sense to use that memory range to depict humans only, because that’s a very gross way of optimizing things (plus, humans didn’t always exist). So, from this I conclude that the person that died earlier, is NOT the same soul-part as the one that get re-incarnated. So a more accurate description of the process would be “recycling”, and not “re-incarnation”. When you die, your soul doesn’t come back as another person. It gets recycled, and it can become a gazillion pieces, recycled to various things (inanimate things too, since these are made of “God” too). Everything is in as-needed basis.

But you see, this is an unpopular belief (I haven’t seen it mentioned anywhere before). No one would follow Buddhism if the doctrine would be all about “you die, but PARTS of you come back as some random things in the universe”. It’s depressing to think of yourself re-incarnated as a bunch of rocks or bacteria, for example. But the described system of recycling makes more sense to me than the little fairy tales of hope that various religions have been indoctrinating to people for eons. I think it’s time to grow up, and understand that when we die, we lose our ego/identity, our “soul” temporarily becomes One with the All, and then it gets recycled into whatever is needed by the system, which is NOT necessarily “another human”. The chances of coming back with the exact same “soul” as a sentient being, is astronomically small in my view.

Now, having said that, I do believe that consciousness evolves, just like the physical universe, its planets and its life on them evolves. When we get recycled, we go through the Morphic field, as Dr Rupert Sheldrake has described it. We get information from it regarding the species we get recycled to (“instinct”), but we also contribute back to it by simply living as one of these species. The Morphic field is possibly ordered by species, with new subfields emerging when new species are getting emerged between neighboring species. There’s no real distinction between species or even inanimate things in reality, they’re just ordered arrays. When seeing the whole thing, it contains the consciousness of the universe, not just that of a specific species. So living as a particular species, it contributes consciousness back to the field, just like when our body dies it becomes food for plants (compost). Everything gets recycled. Everything is energy anyway, so it can’t be destroyed, it can only be transformed.

Regarding past lives, it’s possible that the information gathered during hypnosis is real, but that doesn’t mean that they’re “your” lives. They could be anyone’s, since in reality, you’re Everyone and Everything, and you’re “reading” these past lives info from the morphic field.

2. Karma

If my… calculations above are correct, this means that there’s no such thing as karma. After death, Hitler never got punished for anything either. Everything simply is. The Universe simply strives for novelty, and wants to experience itself any way possible. Including ways we humans perceive as “evil”. There’s no judgement after death, this is accepted nowadays among mystics. I’d go one level further and say that there’s no karma either. It’s impossible to think of a memory range being punished by reusing it in a way that makes it feel pain. It’s not logical to make a memory range have a negative recycling, because that would mean that the whole program would become unstable. All memory is equal, no matter what they were selected to depict. It’s stupid to think otherwise. You’re important to the system, but you’re not more or less special than everything else. Not even special enough to get in trouble to give you a negative experience if you were “bad” in your previous life. Therefore, I think karma is hogwash.

Please note that I don’t accept that these views are nihilism. I simply see them as logical interpretations of mystical beliefs: in how such a system/consciousness would work to manifest a holographic universe and to also loan its intellect to “power” conscious beings while at it. It makes no sense to create whole rules and laws of “this” soul and “that” soul etc. That’s redundant crap in the grand scheme of things. All it matters is going forward with the system.

Also, please note that I don’t equate our Universe & life with a dry computer program. But that doesn’t mean that this is not how the whole thing roughly works. It’s simply a way to visualize it in order to make sense of things. Besides, as above, so below. So whose to say that they’re not all too similar in function?

3. Nirvana

We established above there’s only recycling and constant growth for the Universe, for its quest for novelty and “experience”. And there you have a bunch of monks, who say “fuck this, I don’t want to get recycled again”. The way I see this, is like going against the program. They make their memory range unavailable by opting out of the program. Now, let me say that this isn’t a holy thing, neither it’s a sin. It’s simply a state of Being, a choice. A choice that I’m not even sure if it actually works (it’s possible that Buddha thought that if he reaches Nirvana he doesn’t get re-incarnated again, only to find himself recycled yet again after his death). But if it does work, well, that’s cool too. There are those “evil” people who want to thrive in separation, and the “holy” ones, who take the way out of the equation (or so they think). Either way is acceptable by the One, because all the One wants to do is experience “different things”. Life is an illusory game after all.

And this brings me to one point where I do agree with Buddhism in a big way: “The Middle Way”. The middle way is simply living a life as a normal person. Not a monk, and not a gangster either. But rather, a life proper to the species you got recycled in. Just live your life to your highest enjoyment, and experience life as lucidly as you can, and you have already fulfilled your role. You don’t need to “do” anything special, unless such instruction was given to you during the recycling (e.g. “find the cure for cancer”). But for most people, it’s not more complicated than the Universe telling them: “let me experience through your eyes, not much else you must do, just fucking live”.

I’ll have to reiterate once more on this blog: the meaning of life is life itself.

At the end, as many psychedelic users have been shown on their trips, and Buddhism also says, everything is as it should be. Everything is perfect. When you die, you’d know that for sure.

Update: I should add here that I find very beneficial for people to meditate or take the right entheogens in order to discover their true selves. The I AM. That part is indeed very useful since it ceases existential problems for most. Some call that “enlightenment”. But after your session of remembering of who you really are, you come back down, and you live your life the best you can.

Past Life Regression

About fifteen years ago I had a number of past life regression sessions done with a friend of mine. I only touched on the subject on this blog over the years, but never went into describing all of them because of fear of ridicule. Plus, I wasn’t sure I believed these self-hypnosis regression results anyway. I always thought they were fun, be it real or not. I still do not know if they’re real, but soon I will, as specific meditation is able to provide me with such answers.

Anyways, the point is that I’m not afraid anymore to share these stories, so here they are:

– This life: Born in Athens, Greece, 1973. You know parts of this story.

– Previous life: I don’t remember much about that specific regression, only that I was male, probably worked as a watch-maker or something like that. I do remember very clearly my death though: I was in a hospital, in Lyon, France, in the 1930s (I think). I died in peace, possibly with some fever, but this life was all loneliness. I died all alone.

– Pre-previous life: East Coast, USA, in the mid-1800s. I was a female, and I was repressed by my old-fashioned father (same father I have in this life). After becoming an adult, I left home in secret, and moved to Philadelphia, working as a stitcher in a big factory. I met someone whom I fell in love (it felt like this soul is my brother in this current life), but it didn’t go far at that point. Shortly after I met this person, in my mid-20s, I decided to go back to the town I came from, to try and reconcile with the family. A few days later, I found myself abducted at night, thrown into a pit that my father and his brothers had dug, shot, and burned alive.

– 1500s: I was a Spanish seaman, a homosexual male. Very religious too. Had an affair with the captain. I don’t know much about this life, because this came through the regressions of my friend, and not via my own.

– ~1400s: I was a local Duke of some sort (male), somewhere in Europe, with lots of land. This life was overall normal, I seemed to be having everything I needed, except one little thing that was ruining my life: frequent alien abductions by the Greys.

– ~1300s: Italy, female. Very normal life. Grew up, got married, had a few children. Nothing extraordinary to report about this life. I guess that’s what someone could call it as taking a “life vacation”.

– ~30: Israel, female. At the age of 15 I started working as a janitor at the place where the local Roman high command was situated. I fell in love with a young soldier. We were crazy for each other. This soul, I realized years later upon meeting him, it was the soul of my current husband. But soon he was re-posted East, and he had to leave. I never saw him again. So much pain from this separation, that it still breaks my hurt when I remember it. Some time after that, I was extremely unhappy that I missed the visitation of the prophet Yeshua in my town, because I was held back at work. I remember running in the tiny streets of my town to maybe catch a glimpse of him, but to no avail. A few years later, I was a full blown Christian, one of the very first. I was married to the soul that today is my father. I wanted him to be a Christian like I was, and in fact, he DID believe, but he didn’t want to join all this officially because he was afraid of “what other people might say about it”. So our relationship was strained because of this. After many years, I decided to get baptized on a nearby river. The moment the baptism happened, I had an extremely strong feeling of divine acceptance. It felt amazing. One of the purest feelings I have ever felt, that compares to nothing that I have experienced in this current life so far.

Out of known time:

– Male engineer of a new propulsion system of a pyramid-shaped spaceship. This is the only life that I have detailed previously on my blog. The only thing that I wasn’t brave-enough to share was that this place was what we today think of as “Atlantis”. That life was one of my most interesting lives: space exploration and such.

– Male, in another planet. We look lizard-like (walking on two feet though). This planet has darkness on the one side, and sunlight on the other all the time. We live on the dark side. I don’t think we grow up among parents. It’s a totalitarian society. We get educated, we grow up, and we start working. Our only aspiration is that after our life-long service, the State will place us on the light side of the planet, to live leisurely for the remaining of our lives. That’s the promise. We live our lives craving for some sunlight. Before I start working on the job that will take over my life, I fall in love with a female. We have an egg together! Soon after I find myself working on one of the space stations that orbits the planet. We have anti-gravity, but our technology is not very advanced, we are probably just about 100 years ahead of what we’re now on Earth. There, over the course of several years, we meet 2-3 other alien races. We are barred from talking about it, disclosure hasn’t happened yet. I died because of a fire/explosion that happens to the space station at some point. My soul, wandering, then visits the light side of the planet. It is a total desert, and it’s not livable. Everyone that got dumped there has died shortly afterwards. We offered our life-long service to the State over a lie.

All is One, and One is All

I don’t know if anyone still reads my blog, I haven’t updated for a while. But if you’re one of my older readers, you probably remember my atheism posts. For over 10 years now, I was an atheist. For the last 4-5 years, I was one of these Reddit-style atheists too, getting easily upset with organized religion and its followers.

I’m no longer an atheist (at least, not with the common definition of the word).

And no, I’m not religious either (again, with the common definition of the word). I still despise organized religion as much as I always have. And neither I’m an agnostic.

I simply feel enlightened. I guess, if you had to categorize me, you’d probably call me “spiritual”, but even that word doesn’t truly capture my state of thought.

I usually philosophize a lot during the day, and it was for a long time now that I had decided that the meaning of life is simply to “experience”. Nothing more or less than that, but experience with the full definition of the word (meaning, both good and bad experiences — every possible combination).

But it wasn’t until recently that was I able to put this realization in context.


Demeter and Persephone admire each other’s mushrooms at Eleusinian Mysteries

I realized that there has only being a single religion in the planet: mysticism. If you take the explanation of “what is” from all major mystical religions (from Kabbalah, to Theosophy, to Buddhism, to Shamanism, to Eleusinian Mysteries etc), these mystical religions have all claimed that “God” is YOU.

“God” is all there is (if you want to call this “God”). Everything around us, is God, and it’s alive! From human beings, to plants, to rocks, to planets, to galaxies. All matter and anti-matter in this Universe and other Universes, is part of God.

All is One, and One is All there is. It’s infinite in all directions.

We are droplets of God’s existence. We are grains in the sand. But as insignificant as a grain of sand is, the more powerful it is when it realizes that it’s made of Love. This knowledge is Freedom!

Why do we exist? To experience. You see, “all there is”, is lonely. Every possible combination, must be experienced, in several planes of existence, each with its own rules. We experience on its behalf. There is no “Good” and “Evil”. There just IS.

God is made of unconditional love and we can tap-in to it when we let go of our ego. Our separateness is artificial, but it’s also needed, in order to function in this physical plane of existence. The problem is that we have emphasized in our separateness (individualism), and that separateness is all more pronounced today than it was 100 or 10,000 years ago. We lost our way.


“Net of Being” (aka “GodSelf”), artwork by Alex Grey

Organized religions (“pop religions” as I call them) have existed only for one reason alone: control of their subjects. The Truth (and all the possible combinations of Truth that you might discover yourself) doesn’t need priests, for you are your own God. If you can’t realize your true Nature and you need others to sell you dogma, you’re ending up more separate and more enslaved than you could ever be. No, don’t take this blog post as dogma either, learn the truth yourself.

As to how to realize the Truth by yourself, there are various methods. Buddhism has some cool tricks, e.g. meditation, fasting, African tribes have drumming and dance, Amazonian tribes have Ayahuasca. The fastest way to witness enlightenment in the West is via illegally-obtained tryptamines (particularly DMT, although mushrooms, mescalin, LSD have their uses too). That’s right, these substances that our confused legal system calls “dangerous drugs”. They’re dangerous only to the System, for they can show you how SILLY and ARTIFICIAL culture, political systems, truly are. I’ve never felt more prosecuted in my life for not being allowed to experience my own consciousness.

But make no mistake. Tryptamines will only show you how things really are. What you do from then on, and how you change your life to line up yourself with Harmony, is the difficult part. “Knowing” is only the beginning. It barely gets you to a baseline.

UPDATE: Just found these two videos online, completely randomly. That’s exactly what I’m talking about. It’s just that the guy on these two videos can definitely say it better than I ever could express myself.