Best Sawyer quotes

Sawyer is my favorite character on “Lost”, mostly because he has such funny lines, delivering them while he’s dead serious. Sawyer has a southern, almost redneck, accent, that makes his performance even funnier. The following quotes are taking place in the island their plane wrecked, and in the jungle, far from the civilization.

Locke: Does any of this look familiar from when you were coming back?
Sawyer: Well, yeah, there’s my favorite leaf. How could I forget this place?

Sawyer: Put your mangos where your mouth is.

Sawyer (sarcastically): So, a tribe of evil natives planted a ringer in the camp to kidnap a pregnant girl and a reject from the VH1 has-beens. Yeah, fiendishly clever.

Jack: Where’s Locke?
Sawyer: I don’t know. I think he said something about going to the store for a pack of smokes.

Sawyer: Doctor playing golf. Woo, boy howdy, now I’ve heard everything. What’s next, cop eating a donut?

(Sawyer just shot a polar bear)
Kate: Where did that come from?
Sawyer: Bear Village. How the hell am I supposed to know?

Jack: You know how to handle a gun or not?
Sawyer: Well, I know at least of one polar bear that seems to think so.

Jack: Sawyer…
Sawyer: One second, I’m like this close to the high score on Donkey Kong.

Hurley: Did that bird just say my name?
Sawyer: Yeah, it did. Right before it crapped gold.

Ana-Lucia: Shut up. When I tell you to do something, you do it… I say move, you move… I say stop, you stop. I say jump, what do you say?
Sawyer: You first.

(Sawyer is asking Kate for a kiss)
Kate: Are you serious?
Sawyer: Baby, I am tied to a tree in the jungle of mystery. I just got tortured by a damn spinal surgeon and a genuine Iraqi. Of course I’m serious. Hell, it’s only first base.

(Ben shot Locke with a gun, but Locke keeps protecting Ben)
Locke: Apart from his mouth, he’s completely harmless.
Sawyer: His mouth put that hole in your gut?

Sawyer: Brother, you gotta wake up and smell the goat crap here.

Sawyer: I don’t know if you Islams got a concept of karma, but I get the sense this island just served you up a heapin’ platter of cosmic payback.

Jack (angry): Get up.
Sawyer: Why, you wanna see who’s taller?

Sawyer: My uncle. He uh… died of a brain tumor.
Jack: What type of tumor was it?
Sawyer: The type that kills you.

(Sawyer has headaches)
Kate: That’s it, get up.
Sawyer: What?
Kate: Get up. You’re going to Jack [the doctor].
Sawyer: Do I get a lollipop?
(Scene switches to the caves where Jack diagnoses Sawyer)
Jack: Have you ever had a blood transfusion?
Sawyer: What? No.
Jack: Taken pills for malaria?
Sawyer: Nope.
Jack: Have you ever had sex with a prostitute?
Sawyer: …..What the hell has that got to do with anything?
Jack: Is that a yes?
Sawyer: Yes.
Jack: Have you ever contracted a sexually transmitted disease? [Sawyer doesn’t respond] I’m going to take that as another yes. When was the last outbreak?
Sawyer: Go to hell, Doc.
[Sawyer leaves the scene, annoyed]
Kate: I know he deserved it, but…
Jack: He just needs glasses.
(Jack goes back to the beach to find Sawyer)
Sawyer: If you’re looking for a stool sample, you can forget it…

5 Comments »

Thom Holwerda wrote on December 8th, 2008 at 2:09 PM PST:

Without Sawyer, Lost would come to grinding halt. None of the other characters have even the faintest idea of what this “humour” thing entails, so it’s good Sawyer is around.

And let’s face it, I’d totally do him if I were gay.


Yeesh wrote on December 9th, 2008 at 12:21 PM PST:

LOST is ridiculously overrated. Sure, it’s better than most of the crap on TV – but that’s not saying much.

I can’t wait until the remake of The Prisoner comes out and the LOST fanboys/fangirls start accusing it of being a rip-off (even though it’s the other way around).


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Eugenia wrote on December 9th, 2008 at 12:27 PM PST:

Yeesh, you are talking out of your ass, sorry. 😉

LOST is not a rip off of the Prisoner. It has elements from Myst, Twin Peaks, and some comics, but NOT the Prisoner. Read some of the interviews of the writers before you spew your accusations.

And it’s not overrated at all. It’s the best damn TV show of all times.


Yeesh wrote on December 11th, 2008 at 11:55 AM PST:

So what’s the premise of LOST, again? A group of people trying escape from a mysterious island that’s run by some shadowy, unseen figures. Sorry, but there was already a series with that premise – you know what it was called? Yeah, that would be “The Prisoner.”

And of course LOST is overrated – almost as much as Joss Whedon’s derivative crap. It’s basically just a mediocre novel in episodic TV format – and as novels go, the quality is about the same as your average Stephen King or Dean Koontz fare.

While we’re on the topic, the format isn’t the least bit original either – to hear you talk about it, you’d think that JJ Abrahms invented the concept of a persistent story arc. Babylon 5 did the “a novel written for television” approach a decade before LOST ever aired. Or there was the series Shogun, which was an actual novel adapted for television.

What sort of self-respecting writer names a character “John Locke”? Who’s going to show up in season 5 – maybe “Jenny Keirkegard” or “Doug Nietschze”? Or if the writers are being really, REALLY clever, maybe we’ll get a character named “Shakespeare McNotnamedafteraphilosopher.”

I also have to say that it’s truly hilarious to read your rants about how LOST is so much better than… shows that are not the least bit similar. So what’s next? I eagerly await your “Why LOST is better than the 6-o-clock News” rant.


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Eugenia wrote on December 11th, 2008 at 4:58 PM PST:

Yeesh, you don’t know what you are talking about, and you have not read my previous blog posts about some of the things you mention (e.g. my posts about TV arcs in the ’90s), so you should not talk about me, and my opinions, without doing so. Spend some time and read all my “Entertainment”-filled TV-related posts.

>by some shadowy, unseen figures

It seems that you have stopped watching Lost in season 1. We are in season 5 now. They are very well seen since season 2, explained in season 3, thank you very much.

>What sort of self-respecting writer names a character “John Locke”?

This particular sentence shows exactly that you have not even understood the point of a recent post of mine about Lost and puzzles (I assume you read it). I don’t have hope you will understand my previous ones or the future ones. So I will ignore you. I suggest you stop replying to my blog too. I am not interested of people who don’t get it, misunderstand what I am saying, haven’t even read my previous posts, or they think they know everything. You are talking against Lost without obviously having watched it since season 1. When I compare Lost to other shows, at least I actually watch them first.


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