Sawyer is my favorite character on “Lost”, mostly because he has such funny lines, delivering them while he’s dead serious. Sawyer has a southern, almost redneck, accent, that makes his performance even funnier. The following quotes are taking place in the island their plane wrecked, and in the jungle, far from the civilization.
Locke: Does any of this look familiar from when you were coming back?
Sawyer: Well, yeah, there’s my favorite leaf. How could I forget this place?
Sawyer: Put your mangos where your mouth is.
Sawyer (sarcastically): So, a tribe of evil natives planted a ringer in the camp to kidnap a pregnant girl and a reject from the VH1 has-beens. Yeah, fiendishly clever.
Jack: Where’s Locke?
Sawyer: I don’t know. I think he said something about going to the store for a pack of smokes.
Sawyer: Doctor playing golf. Woo, boy howdy, now I’ve heard everything. What’s next, cop eating a donut?
(Sawyer just shot a polar bear)
Kate: Where did that come from?
Sawyer: Bear Village. How the hell am I supposed to know?
Jack: You know how to handle a gun or not?
Sawyer: Well, I know at least of one polar bear that seems to think so.
Jack: Sawyer…
Sawyer: One second, I’m like this close to the high score on Donkey Kong.
Hurley: Did that bird just say my name?
Sawyer: Yeah, it did. Right before it crapped gold.
Ana-Lucia: Shut up. When I tell you to do something, you do it… I say move, you move… I say stop, you stop. I say jump, what do you say?
Sawyer: You first.
(Sawyer is asking Kate for a kiss)
Kate: Are you serious?
Sawyer: Baby, I am tied to a tree in the jungle of mystery. I just got tortured by a damn spinal surgeon and a genuine Iraqi. Of course I’m serious. Hell, it’s only first base.
(Ben shot Locke with a gun, but Locke keeps protecting Ben)
Locke: Apart from his mouth, he’s completely harmless.
Sawyer: His mouth put that hole in your gut?
Sawyer: Brother, you gotta wake up and smell the goat crap here.
Sawyer: I don’t know if you Islams got a concept of karma, but I get the sense this island just served you up a heapin’ platter of cosmic payback.
Jack (angry): Get up.
Sawyer: Why, you wanna see who’s taller?
Sawyer: My uncle. He uh… died of a brain tumor.
Jack: What type of tumor was it?
Sawyer: The type that kills you.
(Sawyer has headaches)
Kate: That’s it, get up.
Sawyer: What?
Kate: Get up. You’re going to Jack [the doctor].
Sawyer: Do I get a lollipop?
(Scene switches to the caves where Jack diagnoses Sawyer)
Jack: Have you ever had a blood transfusion?
Sawyer: What? No.
Jack: Taken pills for malaria?
Sawyer: Nope.
Jack: Have you ever had sex with a prostitute?
Sawyer: …..What the hell has that got to do with anything?
Jack: Is that a yes?
Sawyer: Yes.
Jack: Have you ever contracted a sexually transmitted disease? [Sawyer doesn’t respond] I’m going to take that as another yes. When was the last outbreak?
Sawyer: Go to hell, Doc.
[Sawyer leaves the scene, annoyed]
Kate: I know he deserved it, but…
Jack: He just needs glasses.
(Jack goes back to the beach to find Sawyer)
Sawyer: If you’re looking for a stool sample, you can forget it…