The emotional state of things

I have a past that should have been kinder to me. A past that I can’t get over with.

I realized something about my husband though. He has no past that makes him sad and depressed when he remembers it. Well, you could argue that he never opened up to me to tell me about it, but I don’t think that’s it. I think that he has lived an early life where he had balance and understanding at all times — unlike mine. JBQ is joyful, happy, healthy and if there’s only one thing he would like to do more is to visit more places. That pretty much describes his psyche.

I, on the other hand, I am depressed most of the time, angry about my past, angry about my present where I am sick most of the time and I can’t join my husband to visit more places, or work, or have a child. Everything seems negative to me, until proven positive.

You could say that I am dragging him down. Or, you could say that he brings me more balance (and he has). But what do I give back to him besides love? He claims that this is all he wants from me, but is it really enough? I do hope it is, because if it isn’t, I don’t see light at the end of the tunnel for me. I would end my life if I lose him. He is my link to this world. My everything.

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