Two things about me that you might not want to know.

1. I suffer from tokophobia since I remember myself and it is related to my fear of pain in general. Coupling this with my bad health, I don’t think we will ever have children. Wikipedia says that a painful event can create tokophobia, and this might have been my problem with my belly button: I can’t touch my belly button, I almost faint if I do. I think when I got born the doctors did such a shitty job stitching my navel up that each time my mother would clean me up as a baby, she would touch my belly button sending me literally to hell. Even the thought of touching my belly button makes me wanna faint (I start breathing hard, I completely freak out). These early pain sessions when I was a baby (I obviously could not speak to tell her to not fucking touch me on my belly button) could have contributed to my fear of pain and tokophobia.

2. I am currently going through my mid-life crisis (I am 34). Wikipedia says that individuals experiencing a mid-life crisis are said to have some of these feelings:
- search of an undefined dream or goal
- a deep sense of remorse for goals not accomplished
- desire to achieve a feeling of youthfulness
- need to spend more time alone or with certain peers
- a desire to initiate new sexual partnerships

They all ring true to the current me (yup, all these points). Because of all this, I have fallen into depression for quite some time now. I can’t thank JBQ enough for being so supportive though. He is a real angel and my best friend, but he deserves better. Together we will battle my crisis, but I don’t see any way out of my tokophobia – ever.

I do need to go to a doctor about my belly button, obviously, but I don’t want to even hear that I might need surgery. So I don’t go.

Amazing talent: writes her own music and performs it. Angie Mattson is with a small indie label, and sells her CDs via CDBaby.

Two more of her videos: “Hiding Cards” and “In Violet“. From her first album, “Too much” is very good.

They do the same mistake that I did. They try to recreate a desktop environment on a mobile device by shoving as much information as possible on a single screen. Apple proved with the iPhone that this not how it should be done. If someone can’t easily and precisely hit a widget with a finger instead of a stylus, then it’s a useless UI — as far as having a future-proof product is concerned. To me, these interfaces are just arcane now. Even Nokia is preparing huge widgets for S60 4.0, because thankfully, they get it more than these Linux devs, Trolltech and of course, Motorola. The paradigm has shifted from designing text/widgets as small as they can be comfortably read, to as big as they can be comfortably be hit by a finger. And get this: a well-designed UI, like the iPhone’s, can fit almost as much information in it as the traditional touchscreen designs. Bigger widgets doesn’t necessarily mean less information on screen.

Today I fell victim of identity theft. A fucktard used my name and email address to purchase (via money order) Winamp Pro (I got an electronic receipt of the supposed order, with the guy giving a half-filled Brooklyn, NY address and phone number). I already emailed Winamp’s customer support to cancel the order and asked for the IP address of the person who did the order so I can go to the police. If required, I’ll get a warrant.

Oh God, what a disturbing dream I was having this morning.

I was working as a maid at a family home somewhere in the East of US. An adopted kid to the family was used as an entertainment vessel. They would put the kid into some rooms to fight with animals or get him sringed — all for their entertainment. He has bruises everywhere in his body.

One day, I couldn’t take it anymore. I get the kid and we are start running away. I get a bullet, but we don’t stop running. Eventually, we find a taxi, for which I get in the middle of the street to make it stop and take us to a hospital or police. Little that we know, that the two people already in the taxi, were working for the guy I used to. So they are trying to get us back.

Without any other way out, I strangle the kid on the back seat, while they don’t look at us. Out of mercy that is. He smiles while I do so. And I wake up.

* Sandisk filed a huge lawsuit yesterday against 25 companies regarding storage patents. Funny how determined they look about it, while themselves are refusing to pay up for the mp3 licensing. Dunno, it just doesn’t feel right.

* JBQ is in Utah for vacations with his brother, comes back soon. I hope he has re-energized his batteries, as he much needed this time off. A new chapter in his life will start soon — I will blog about it when that time comes.

* I am thinking of getting a personal trainer. I am fat and unhealthy, but the worst part is that I don’t want to do much about it. I always needed someone with a whip to make me move my ass. Since JBQ is not big on exercise either, and he loves me so much that he prefers to buy me chocolates rather than lock me up in the toilet without food, well, I need a trainer.

* I sorted out my indie collection on iTunes. 9 GBs of music overall, with artwork all in place. I have it separated from music coming from the majors. I know that this doesn’t make sense, but sometimes I just want to feel “purer”, and this is just one thing that does it for me.

* I started a few weeks back, and now it’s a habit: I sleep without a pillow. In fact, I can’t sleep with a pillow anymore! Weird, I know!

* “Bionic Woman” sucks. There.